Introducing baby Max

Edit: I wrote this post 7 months ago, and never posted it because of my inability to be consistent in any way with writing on here as I allude to in my first paragraph! Plus looking after a baby is more of a full time job than a full time job in my opinion. I am not going to make any promises that this is the time I commit to this corner of the internet and make it work - but as I am trying to revitalise this space once again, I wanted to post this because, my number one consistent reader is me really, and I really want to re read this in a few years time. This place has always mainly been about me trying to squeeze as much juice from life as possible (not an innuendo), as well as hoping it helps others do so too. And what part of life is more juicy and what you want to remember more than your first few weeks with your first baby. So strange looking back on this and remembering how I felt. For anyone who has a newborn baby and stumbles across this post, one of the things I now look back on and find most interesting is how much I thought I loved Max, even though it was a strange love where I also felt like I didn't know him. A love mainly about his cuteness and that he was mine and I made him. I guess my love is probably still about all those things, but it feels so much more now - a take my breath away, heart bursting out my chest, fireworks kind of love. So if you are cosying up to your tiny bundle of joy and you think the love is there but not like you were told or imagined, I promise you, it gets so much more and it gets so much better. Also as I type this I am sitting next to Max who is chatting with me (nonsensical babble of course) and eating his bagel and almond butter, it gets so much easier too. Every chapter of motherhood has its tricky sections fosho, but nothing feels as all encompassing as those hazy newborn days.

Also can we all appreciate the lol in the 4th paragraph that is me at 2.5 months postpartum thinking I am going to posting lots of "dinner party menus" on this blog in the coming months. I have since hosted one brunch. ha. ha. ha.

I have never been the most consistent blogger - as soon as I get even a sniff of a following or interaction from readers, well, I'd like to say life gets in the way but that might be a little bit of a lie really. I don't know just despite my best intentions, despite the fact that blogging gives me a comfy little creative outlet and somewhere to help me make sense and appreciate our wonderful world I don't seem to have the stamina to keep it up, and don't have the balls to promote it. It just pitters out whilst I prioritise other things like err watching TV, and then something happens which makes me want to reignite it again.

Well the something has happened again and that something is: I've birthed a freaking human. And if I ever needed somewhere to let me create something,  and feel like an adult human woman with an identity and opinions it is surely now when all my life and all my time is consumed by a tiny demanding crying ball of everything lovely. I'd like, no I need, to keep a little section of my brain for me so here I am back, back again, tell a friend (several months of no blogging yet still unable to get any sort of post out without quoting circa 2002 r'n'b unfortunately that has not changed).

So yeah, so I can do something which isn't about my baby I'd like to now take a whole page to err chat about my baby and his birth.

Loner Lover Friend... Mama

My ideal plan for this post was to recreate the picture of Beyonce when she announced her twins, but I tried that in Seville poolside and I don't look that great and not sure how into the photoshoot Will was so here I am, nothing quite as artistic unfortunately.

Also before we get to the really crux of this post can I just say, isn't it such a blogging and insta world thing to announce yourself "mama"? Not mummy, never mum, the chic French version of the word that only adorable babies (read no teenage boys) call you.

But anyway yeah, there is a little baby boy in my belly and I will one day be everything from a "mama" to "eurrrggg muuuum"!

9 nice, and 3 slightly bad things | June and July

Internet, I am a fireball of excitement, even though my should-have-been-winning sweepstake team, Spain, were knocked out of the bloomin football by Russia today say whaaaat? Nonetheless I cannot be got down, as this afternoon I booked my 30th birthday treat with Will, and bloody hell I. cannot. wait.

If any of you have ridden the on and off rollercoaster which is this little blogspot, you might remember two and a half years ago I surprised Will with a trip to New York. I literally met him for lunch with a suitcase I had packed with his clothes, and told him we were getting on a flight to the big apple. It was amazing, and I know he sort of wanted to do a huge surprise for me but then he was being all indecisive and got me to make the final decision and I am so glad he did. Mainly because I love all the control and planning, but also, now I have almost 2 months to just get more and more excited.

As we've been away quite a lot this year (24 hours in Tokyo blog post coming soon, hopefully) we've decided to trade air miles for luxury and are going here - we're staying in a hut which is also a suite with a roll top bath one night, and then the next we're staying in the posh manor where a michelin starred chef will design us an individual menu. Annndd it is 25 minutes from Stratford upon Avon so I am hopeful we can squeeze in some Shakespeare on the way home. I KNOW. Can I even think of 3 bad things for this post, when my mind is so clouded by pure elation and anticipation of all the food, and spa, and chill time? (Spoiler: Yes)

The 2 best pizza toppings, guaranteed. (Spinach, asparagus & ricotta/ Parma ham & fig)

So the World Cup has kicked off (literally) with full force, and like my pal at work says, you certainly cannot beat them, so you may as well join em.

Personally, I quite like the World Cup. I never watch football and support no team really (I am one of the few lucky ladies in England who is not a football widow, Will has no favourite team) but every 4 years I like to make an exception. I think a lot of my love - well maybe that is too strong a word, let's say "contented tolerance" - of the World Cup bonanza comes from my Dad, and his clever scheme to get a house full of women not interested in sport into the world cup.

Our favourite food in New Orleans

Maybe, like me, today you'll be celebrating Pancake day aka Shrove Tuesday aka Mardi Gras by swapping your normal Tuesday night supper of salmon and veg (ok ok pasta and cheese) with a little bit of batter, lemon and sugar. Mm mm mmmm.

Or maybe you are like 2017 me, or a lucky resident of New Orleans Louisiana and you are going to spend today catching beads, drinking hurricanes and dancing in the street. Mardi Gras, NOLA: its tagline is "the greatest party on earth" and I am not gonna lie, it is pretty fun if you are ready to embrace it - and you give the drunk guy vomiting down himself on Bourbon Street a wide berth.

9 nice (and 3 slightly bad) things | January and February.

Normally I begin these 9 nice things list with a whole expansive waffeling on the state of the world (ie. my musings on Trump and Brexit) or mental health (mine, mainly) and arguably now, 2 months since I last posted, is as good a time as any to give everyone (well my 40 subscribers and my mum and dad, hi guys!) a thorough update on my life, but I have stumbled across a playlist I made in 2013 for Will when he was in Australia, and my need to "jamm" (if you will) along is taking up 99% of my attention. So without further adieu 9 nice things (and 3 bad things) January which is all I have brain capacity for currently:

#QUEENSONTOUR in Cinque Terre - 7 dos and donts to make your trip boss

Can I pull off boss? Or indeed a hashtag in the non ironic sense? Never mind.

Recently, I uncharacteristically booked a holiday a whole year in advance. Normally I just go wherever the bargain Ryan Air flights take me, but I had some air miles and I fancied visiting the insta-porn which is Santorini so next September, off I go!

Talking of insta-porn, in case anyone wants to be equally organised and book a holiday for October next year, or even April/May I can recommend Cinque Terre, a collection of beautiful little coastal towns, about 45 minutes from Pisa.

Cinque Terre I like to think of as the poor man's Amalfi coast, and I mean that as a massive compliment as a poorer Amalfi coast is still a lot richer than me. And some restaurants in Cinque Terre sell prosecco for like 13 euros a bottle which I am pretty sure nowhere in Amalfi does...

Cinque Terre translated from Italian means "5 lands". "Lands" I think is a little bit of a stretch, more quaint colourful villages built up the coast side, which at night make the whole coast line looked like it is covered in lanterns and fairylights. It is uber romantic, but I really liked visiting with my gals, who I felt indulged my swoons at the views and relentless instagramming more than Will anyway. ;)

Pumpkin spiced waffles

Hi. I hope you are all feeling more sprightly today than I do. Apparently, now I am 29, drinking 3/4 of a bottle of wine and 1 cocktail when out for dinner is enough alcohol to make the next day feel like there is a goblin in my head scratching his nails on a blackboard before taking a break to bulldoze into my grey matter.

Yesterday morning, when I was living my best life hangover free making pumpkin pie waffles in my pjs whilst listening to my favourite spotify playlist (which is a wonderful mix of Frank Sinatra and Justin Bieber), feels like a far away dream. But it did happen. These waffles did happen, as these blog friendly photos of me pouring maple syrup over bacon and them prove. Hmm bacon. Do you know what goes well with bacon. Pumpkin. Whether that pumpkin is stuffed with bacon and cheese and roasted (YUM) or pureed and popped in waffles, pumpkin and bacon is a dream team, so you should make these waffles y'all.

Copper pipe leaning ladder DIY

It will never cease to amaze and excite me, and disappoint and concern Will, the homewares you can diy with simple plumbing copper pipes.

You feel all practical and fancy because you are working with metal and drop terms like "copper pipe cutter" but really working with copper pipes is probably most akin to working with lego, so it suits me fine, and I have been gradually filling mine and Will's home with little copper pipe accessories. But Will does actually like this one! Or so he says.

I've been hankering after a decorative leaning ladder for a little while ago, as that is the kind of relatively useless but pinterest friendly home pieces I am into, being the basic bitch I am. Every visit to one of the antiques and junk shops round the corner I've kept an eye out, I've looked on ebay a dozen times, but how do you post a leaning ladder? The alternative, driving home in our two seater car with a ladder sticking out the window seems a little risky. But then exactly like an apple falling on the head of Isaac Newton it hit me - copper freakin pipes. Rose gold coloured, easily cut-able, easy to stick together copper pipes. One of my proudest creations is copper pipe based (I made this table from the tutorial on A Beautiful Mess) and this project is easier still.

9 nice things and 3 slightly bad things | September and October

Happy Sunday gang! Hope you are having a lovely one. I've been to Birmingham this weekend, and now I am using Will being out of the house dropping his niece at uni as an excuse to buy things for my next homeware DIY attempt he would not approve of. Mwahaha. Enough of the cackling, 9 lovely and 3 mildly bad things from September:

Tuscan style bangers and mash

So a disclaimer: when I say "tuscan style" this isn't actually a recipe passed to me by a homely Italian woman, or something I enjoyed in a little trattoria in the countryside outside Pisa and have tried to replicate.

When I say Tuscan style what I mean is I cooked something I envisage a homely Italian woman might, if she too had left over sausages from her Sunday fry up, bags of tomatoes left over from her birthday pizza party, limited cooking skills and only enough energy after a Monday at work to do about 3 mins and 42 seconds worth of food prep.

Stop me buying all 25 of these excellent winter coats

But maybe allow me to buy one? Ok three. Everyone needs three good winter coats, we all know that.

In my defence too, I've been wearing an asos pale blue cocoon coat (shown in this November 2014 post) I bought from a market for £30 in 2013 as my main winter bae ever since, so it is not like I buy hundreds of pounds of coats every year. But daily journeys on the tube, too many times left crumpled in the corner of some booth in a bar, regular walks in the rain without an umbrella and countless burrito related accidents means no amount of dry cleaning or (discouraged on the label) time in the washing machine can get out the greyish tinge it has gathered over the years.

My original planned post for today was going to be something around ice lollies and alcohol, but Autumn feels really here this September no? Coat season is upon us, ice lolly season is mainly behind us, and I am looking for a coat like my pale blue one: something with a dash of stand out, something I can wear with jeans and a jumper, with work clothes (which tbh are often jeans and a jumper, but are sometimes smarter) and occasionally even a cocktail dress.

So which one? Aaah all the great choices (and I didn't even include all the bloomin great kimonos out there this season, because they don't really count right, so I won't be including them in my self imposed coat ration.) So kimonos and dressy jackets aside, I think one fur, one wool, and one parka/trench is probably fair...

Styling my unused fireplace

...And when I say unused fireplace, I really mean chimney breast.

When I smooshed up this joint (and when I say joint I mean blog) in January, I created a place to write about smooshing up my other joint (my flat) too, because tbh it is where a lot of my financial, emotional and mental resource goes. So here, 9 months and 9 days after the page was first created, welcome to my first "design" post.

Eventually I am hoping to fill this area full of Ikea hacks, DIYs and obviously tours of my cool friend's houses (cos interior decor meets nosiness are the best blog posts ever), but for now a wall of mirrors, sort of.

30 before 30

As I sit typing this Des'ree Life (oooh life) has just come on BBC radio 2 and I can feel in my shimmying shoulders that this post could get a little heavy. I mean heavy in a "what a time to be alive!" way - not heavy in a "I am so anxious I am gonna cry" way, but still, deeper than a post about how much I love pasta.

Shortly after I turned 21, just after I had graduated university in the midst of a recession and had no clue what to do with my life now I was off the education conveyor belt, I made a list of things I wanted to do before I reached the not so ripe or old age of 25. And not to boast gang, but I did loads of things. 

I ran a bloody marathon, literally. The London marathon (when I had never run anything ever before). I backpacked alone through Vietnam, Cambodia and India. I stayed at an Ashram and at least on the days when I was not held captive in my room by crazed monkeys on my balcony, I went to sunrise morning and meditation classes where an actual yogi with a long black beard and white harem pants attempted to push a tube in my nose and take it out my mouth. (That did not work, and was not per say on my list, but going all Eat Pray Love and staying in an Ashram in the Indian Himalayas was).

9 nice things, and 3 slightly bad things | July and August

So I have just got back from a chicken wing festival (!!!) and decided this was as good a time as any to boot up this little baby again.

Well a good time as:

1) I only have 1 more wedding and 1 more hen do this year, so I have time in my weekends to waffle on the internet again now they are not filled with pedal-bussing round London in 30 degree weather (my friend Alice's hen do, mid June), falling in a river (Katherine, last weekend) or being videoed violently pushing a stranger out of my dance space, as I, high on sangria and jaegerbombs leap onto a hay stack as part of my interpretative single ladies dance at Vida festival in Barcelona (Katy, beginning of July). And that is not even mentioning my wedding antics, which were not much more refined despite the evening wear.

2) It is also my birthday in 2 weeks on Wednesday, and this is my prime place to subliminally (or not so subliminally) convince Will to get me a cat. (Ahem). WILL GET ME A CAT. Thanks.

You'll see I am back with an old blogging favourite, a little gratitude list, because it is good for us to count our blessings, don't you know. I try to do these - when I am not taking accidental 3 month blogcations - every other month, looking back at lovely things, looking forward to lovely things etc etc etc. Despite the despondency of that last sentence that is what I will be doing here and I do actually like writing them; how.ev.er: in the interest of making this blog as authentic as possible I wanted to also list some slightly bad, or at least slightly annoying things, as a reminder to me and anyone who reads this, life isn't always instagrammable all the time and that is normal. Like, guys, tbh I'm not always falling in rivers or shoving strangers from my dance space. Sometimes my life is just not that glamorous.

9 nice things | March & April

It is tricky typing this post out today, a) because I massively over predicted how much of a spring day it is, and definitely should not be writing this from the garden armed with an iced (what was I thinking) tea and therefore my hands are going numb making it physically hard to type; and b) because I am not feeling so nice, so writing about nice stuff feels fake and silly and makes this emotionally hard to type. See what I did there.

My crazy irrational panic attacks have definitely made me say no to things and stopped me doing stuff. Sometimes, this can be the right thing to do. Sometimes if I say yes to too much, and rush around too much, all the attempts to be in 2 places at once and not enough time catching up on life admin/sleep/ just doing nothing can mean that too much cortisol (the stress hormone, not as I first thought, a mouthwash brand) pumping around me makes me more likely to feel jittery, and make me more likely to have a panic attack. One of the first things I was told to do when I first started getting help was to just do less. Learn to say no, and put less pressure on myself.

However, sometimes I say no to things because I am scared. Because they take me out of my comfort zone, and make me afraid of being afraid. I always like to tell myself when I say no to something, when I opt out of something that could be fun that it is the former reason and not this one. That I say no because I am looking after myself, I am making my anxiety better, not giving into it and making it worse. Well this weekend I struck out, and there is no way I could argue it was because of the former reason, it was hook line and sinker just me being scared of what might happen in my own head. And I missed out and I let people down and meeurgh.

TV-less Tuesdays

Guys, I have almost formed a new good habit, and so thought I would boast about it around the internet.

For the past 3 months, most weeks on one day (normally a Tuesday) I stay home in the evening but...don't watch TV!

Maybe for some people, this is not that impressive, as they don't love TV like I do. Note however, the reason TV-less days normally occurs on Tuesdays is I am choosing a day I would normally be in. The goal is not to avoid TV one night a week, I mean I know how to spend a weeknight drinking with friends; the goal is to head home from work on time, get home at 6:30 and be in my flat and avoid the TV until bedtime some 4 hours later. See trickier than you first figured. Also add to this that I really love TV, and just fyi not the cool kind. I have never even seen Narcos or the Wire or Entourage. I like shows like Gilmore Girls, Ally McBeal, Pretty Little Liars (guiltily) and when I am feeling really nostalgic, Charmed. I still have the TV taste of an adolscent teenage girl in my 28 year old body.

As much as I love TV however, I worry that it is my procastination monkey's best friend, and whole evenings go by when all I had to do was water the gosh damn plants and call the bank and now it is past my bedtime and I have done neither of those things but I have somehow rewatched for the 3rd time,  40% of season 2 of Parks and Recreation.

Padella inspired spicy sausage, mascarpone and parsley pasta

Lols that the week following my PS where I promised I was back on the "I'll start posting every Sunday again" wagon, I only went and didn't post on a Sunday. My excuse was going to be that I am horrifically jet lagged following my trip to New Orleans, Miami and central America and I am still on Eastern standard time, but if I am on Eastern standard time it would just mean I am posting this only 43 hours late, rather than 48 so, yeah...

Anyhoo here is a "recipe" (I use that word loosely, as this thing is so damn easy to make you can do it even when you have just basically stumbled off a plane and into your kitchen, and are mainly only looking for a vehicle to transport parmesan cheese into your mouth). It was inspired by a bangin' (yes I said that) meal I devoured in Padella in Borough. The queues are long, but the fettucine is all the a-ok hand emoticons. Top tip, go on a rainy Monday at 5 to get a table and it will be the only time you don't have to wait in line.

All alone in Sydney - 9 excellent things to do by yourself there

Gang, when you read this I WILL BE ON HOLIDAY.

Yessssssss, wooop, wahey. Will get me a cat. (Just trying to get some subliminal messaging in for my boyfriend in case he reads my blog. If you are not my boyfriend you can ignore the last 3 sentences).

Anyway, all this excitement for holidays has made me reminisce for some lovely holidays of the past, and I thought now might be a good time to post about my trip to Sydney as you know, it is hot in Australia right now and it is not hot here in England, so we should all go there.

Happy Galentine's day! A pink and red brunch menu

(Which is also pretty much dairy free if you are into it).

Reader, today I am sick. Yesterday in Leslie Knope style I threw a Galentine's brunch (although unfortunately lacking gifts of handmade mosaics of my friends faces a la Knope). Turns out, if you have what I would call a moderate cold, don't feed it all the pink alcoholic drinks and all the pink, red and beige food which whilst being delicious are not nutritious. But if you are not fighting a cold, and fancy a little Valentines - nay Galentines - themed get together with your pals, then take a peek at this little set up: