Our favourite food in New Orleans

Maybe, like me, today you'll be celebrating Pancake day aka Shrove Tuesday aka Mardi Gras by swapping your normal Tuesday night supper of salmon and veg (ok ok pasta and cheese) with a little bit of batter, lemon and sugar. Mm mm mmmm.

Or maybe you are like 2017 me, or a lucky resident of New Orleans Louisiana and you are going to spend today catching beads, drinking hurricanes and dancing in the street. Mardi Gras, NOLA: its tagline is "the greatest party on earth" and I am not gonna lie, it is pretty fun if you are ready to embrace it - and you give the drunk guy vomiting down himself on Bourbon Street a wide berth.

Padella inspired spicy sausage, mascarpone and parsley pasta

Lols that the week following my PS where I promised I was back on the "I'll start posting every Sunday again" wagon, I only went and didn't post on a Sunday. My excuse was going to be that I am horrifically jet lagged following my trip to New Orleans, Miami and central America and I am still on Eastern standard time, but if I am on Eastern standard time it would just mean I am posting this only 43 hours late, rather than 48 so, yeah...

Anyhoo here is a "recipe" (I use that word loosely, as this thing is so damn easy to make you can do it even when you have just basically stumbled off a plane and into your kitchen, and are mainly only looking for a vehicle to transport parmesan cheese into your mouth). It was inspired by a bangin' (yes I said that) meal I devoured in Padella in Borough. The queues are long, but the fettucine is all the a-ok hand emoticons. Top tip, go on a rainy Monday at 5 to get a table and it will be the only time you don't have to wait in line.

(Lemon, Honey and Ginger Chicken) Roasts and Rituals

So if I google image rituals, I get pictures like this 

and this

and this

Fyi in this post I am not talking about a witchy-style ritual, this post is not about how I sacrificed a chicken, a lemon and some honey. That is the next "things to do with your lover" post. Rituals, as the Oxford English dictionary describes it are "a series of actions or type of behaviour regularly and invariably followed by someone", so encompasses everything from worship rites, and rites of passage to shaking hands at the beginning of a meeting.

Rituals is also sort of a blog thing - all over blogosphere there is information on other people's rituals, routines repeated every day, posts about skincare rituals, bedtime rituals, coffee rituals, blog-writing rituals.

For me, when I think of rituals, I think of those little good things that we repeat often and through that become big good things.

Often a lot of something however good can be bad, it makes us bored of it, ungrateful, or we go into autopilot and barely realise we're doing something. As the Spice Girls said, "too much of something is bad enough".

But rituals are the anomaly to that rule, something we do repeatedly, but with each repeat the experience somehow becomes nicer, almost as if that niceness compounds with each act. As you carry out a ritualised act, you're not just enjoying the good stuff in that moment, but you also feel all the sweet nostalgia for when you've carried out those acts before and also a touch of excitement for the next time.

Here are some rituals - past and present - I have had (still have) and liked (like):

• A Cadbury's curly wurly after swimming lessons (a ritual ages 4-9, before they became as expensive as a normal chocolate bar!)
• Fresh pyjamas on a Sunday
• Monday house night, where someone cooks a meal, and the others buy 2 for £5 bottles of red wine (a ritual ages 22-24)
• Watching "It's a Wonderful Life" on Christmas Eve with my family
• Advent Calendars
• Actually most things I do in December
• Taking my make up off with a hot flannel before bed every night
• Playing cannister and getting to drink a coca cola on Saturday nights (a ritual from 11-15)
• Hot water with lemon first thing in the morning
• Using my pink highlighter on Mondays
• Getting in to BBC Strictly Come Dancing every year

I recently read an article found through Cup of Jo (one of my faves) about a ritual a lady had started, which was far more life changing for her than any of these have been for me (though they have been lovely). She began - or more her husband did - to cook meatballs every Friday, and anyone was welcome to come round for them (as long they let her know by Thursday evening). 

Her Friday meatball cooking and hosting ritual she says has "transformed [her] family's life". It got her out (well in but) socialising after kids, it stopped her (as a stay at home freelance writer) feeling isolated and helped her interact with her community, it allowed her to spend quality time with her daughter, and it gave her something nice to look forward to and help her relax each week.

So here is my new Sunday ritual - a roast chicken and a great film.

oh hey there crumby belly 

Now, I would love to eventually have the confidence (in both myself and my cooking) to extend my roast and movie invitation to neighbours, friends and family though I am not sure I am there quite yet. But I do want something to look forward to each week, and make sure I spend my Sundays in a way that sets me up for the week: A Sunday well spent equals a week of content - as little heart shaped wooden placques you hang in your home say.

I also thought it would be a nice thing for Will and I to do, our own little ritual to have centred around our new home. Sunday roasts are the ritual of many a family up and down the country, and we've also been muttering for a while about watching all of AFI's top 100 films from 100 to 1, in part in an attempt to end our ususal movie night stand off of romcoms vs dark, sci fi films. 

So my new Sunday ritual is to cook a roast and watch a movie (at least for the next 2 years whilst I have AFIs films left to watch). I would love it to grow to a thing where friends and family know it is happening, and drop by, or even I'd love to be doing it in 10 years time with my own kids (would obviously have to choose something more age appropriate than Blade Runner) don't.freak.out.Will! 

For now though, it is just nice to set the table, open a bottle of wine on a Sunday and enjoy my home and my boyfriend, before I leave it for a week at work.

My favourite roast - a recipe: 

Once I read an interview with Holly Willoughby where she said her favourite roast is always chicken because if she is going to eat a nice piece of beef she'd prefer it in steak form. I don't know why but that really stuck with me, I too love steak, and therefore I always opt for a roast chicken.

The recipe below is for a roast I like that gives a lovely comforting lemony chicken, and the honey sort of makes all the veg around it taste like honey roasted veg too. Also apparently the combo of lemon and honey is a real flu fighting one, so I figure it is good for my health to eat lots of this roast chicken this time of year.

Ingredients:

1 heaped tablespoon of coconut oil (any butter or oil really, I just like coconut because of the consistency you can spread it on the chicken and it is not as bad for you as goose fat)

1 lemon

2 cloves of garlic

A good grinding or 3 of pepper

A good grinding of salt. Gosh a grinding of something sounds dirty, sorry.

A thumb of ginger

A little squidge or spoon of honey.

A small chicken (just up this ingredients if you have a bigger one)

I am not even going to write a step by step recipe for this, as that would be ridiculous as it is so easy, I can do it. 

Start by using Jamie Oliver's clever method of rolling the lemon until it slips slightly (a sign you're starting to release the natural oils) and at this point grate the lemon zest into a little bowl. Then grate your ginger, and smush one of your garlic cloves into this bowl too. 

Add the coconut oil to this and mix together, seasoning it with your salt and pepper too.

Spread this gingery lemony mix all over the skin of your chicken, massaging it in a little. 

Take your left over lemon, cut it in half and squidge a little bit of honey onto each half. Stuff these and your 2 left over garlic cloves (also each cut in half) up the chicken, going garlic, lemon, garlic, lemon.

Put in the oven and roast for as long as the instructions on the packet (normally about 1 hour 15 for a little one), maybe taking it out part way through to baste and add your veg you want to roast, these will too get all lemony and honey-y.

Serve to happy people who are impressed you cooked a roast.

Fyi. It is very difficult to take a picture of a raw chicken which looks very appetising. It is also harder than you think to take a picture of a cooked chicken, next to a bottle of wine, bathed in candlelight that looks as good in a photo as it does in real life. I hope you'll use your imagination on both counts!

PS. A better cooked candlelit cosy meal.

Copyrights for pictures of rituals - top io9.com, second fiveforhowling.com, paulnolandsound.com

Being in my late twenties, and going to Lewisham's Model Market

My mother's old hairdresser's Iranian father used to say the most important thing in life is to enjoy being the age you are. Not to me obviously, he said it to his daughter, my mum's hairdresser, who said it to my mum, who said it to me.

Ie. when you're 10, don't take slutty selfies and wish away your childhood hoping you were older. When you first go off to uni don't sit inside wishing you were home, or wishing you were full on grown up with a proper income. Embrace the lack of routine, and all the new people and have a fabulous time. And I guess (though I haven't been through this yet obvs) but when you are older and maybe you've had kids but they've left home, don't pine after babies wishing you could just do it all over again and hating the home without them, maybe do something similar to what my parents seem to be doing and take advantage of no longer needing to be responsible for other people, and spend all your time on extravagant holidays. They seem pretty content. You get the gist - enjoy being your age, I could probably have done it without the waffle, soz.

Anyhoo, so now I am 27, undoubtably in my late twenties, what does my age mean to me? (I say to me, as I know 27 feels very different to a lot of people. Some people want to get married and have kids, some people are still enjoying post uni whatshallIdowithmylifeness).

For me, my energy levels are much lower than when I was 21. Boy oh boy, I don't know how I existed going to bed after midnight everyday and having no bedtime routine. Maybe it is working hard all week, maybe I just don't have the same ability to wait for a second wind anymore, but I really like sleeping now.

I also now have a bloomin mortgage, and a relatively swishy and stressful job, so I have to be kinda responsible. And I have a long term-ish boyfriend, so that changes things a bit.  At the same time, I don't have kids or a cat or a puppy, I have enough mula left for cocktails and dresses left after my mortgage has come and out and I live in one of the world's most exciting cities. (I think anyway, London).

So with all that in mind this to me is what 27 will look like, and how I will enjoy it: it'll be a bit more balanced. I have a nicer flat now, which is all the way out in zone 3 of the tube network, both reasons means it is fine if I want to come home to it rather than going out every day like I did when I was 22. 27 is hosting a fabulous dinner party or boozy brunch every month to really get my money's worth in the place that is sucking it all up. And also cos I have enough glassware for 8 people now. I know, such a grown up.

But I'm not dead yet. (Not that dead people host dinner parties and enjoy matching glassware) but you know what I mean, I am still in my twenties dammit. And I have actively chosen not to buy a puppy, so if I am not doing that I should at least go out a fair bit. So every month, I want to go to something that is sort of "only in London" with my friends and with my beau. (Or my bae as the kids are calling it. I am still in my twenties I am down with the lingo).

And that folks is how I've come at last to my review of Lewisham's Model Market, set up by the people who did Street Feast and then everything in the east, and have taken their project south of the Thames (and to my new home borough, woop) to take over an old market in Lewisham and turn it into a pop up food stall, bar and dancefloor emporium.

I was a little tired that day as like the 27 year old I am, I had got up early to run some errands first thing and then spent the day brunching, baking gluten and sugar free banana bread and upholstering a window seat - I only stayed til midnight and not the market's closing time at 1:30am. That is my life now. May I also note whilst I am being such a grown up, that one negative thing I could say about the model market was that I believe it to be a slight fire hazard. It has these very cool (but in my opinion slightly dangerous) massive fire pits, which instead of being near maybe seated areas or cordoned off somewhere are in the middle of the dance floor! Literally under the disco globe. Every time you had to squeeze through the floor to nip to the loo it did feel like you were taking your life in your hands a bit.

Back to being a fun person again: it was pretty amazing (though for me a tiny bit sad) how Street Feast had barely touched the market before moving in. Will and I munched on delicious greek chicken pita wraps in a bar seating area which was in an old hairdressers. Tiles and mirrors hung on the wall still, in almost perfect condition but with no barber chair in front. Brownies and tequila coconut cocktails were sold from cute little pop up bars and restaurants which still had signs advertising "Ghanaian .....". An old records shop was turned into a wine bar "winyl" (I enjoyed that).

They'd also made a little rooftop bar, and obvs that is everyone's favourite in the summer. Basically night markets have really come on a bit since I went to my first one in Chiang Mai in Thailand in 2010 and accidentally ate a whole tray of deep fried spiders legs with sweet chilli sauce. (True story, I really will eat anything deep fried).

On a Saturday night Model Market was pretty packed in a "woah where did all these people come from maybe Lewisham really is up and coming" sorta way. I went on a little boozy date night with Will, but I think it would be a great place to go with a big group of friends, I am slightly pondering it for my 28th birthday if it returns for a 3rd summer. Although, just to cross off the other subject of my blog - "loner" - this place is good for with lovers and friends but I would say not on your own, you would seem creepy.

Final tip - do not google map the place as otherwise you will be like Will and I, poor little outlaws looking through the railings at hundreds of people who have found the entrance and are having a marvellous time but having no idea how to get in. Instead look for the 3 little roads coming off Molesworth street, and get to that point and you will spot it. Ok I'll shut up now!

Lewisham Model Market is open til the end of this month. No need to book or anything, though you do need to pay £3 if you arrive after 7pm

Never too old for a tequila cocktail filled coconut

PS. More philosophising that eventually leads to a review.

Love is...cartoons

Do you remember these comic strips? The first one was published in 1970, the work of a New Zealand cartoonist, Kim Casali, but I remember them having a bit of a surge in popularity when I was just starting secondary school, definitely in my class anyway, lots of us would print them out and put them on our weekly planners!

I must have been young enough to look at them with a certain amount of childish innocence, I've never noticed they were naked before and actually some of them are quite riske!

A lot of the lover part of this blog is dedicated to exciting dates, interesting spots to visit with your other half, places to impress, but on Friday I had one of my most lovely date nights in ages, sitting in, eating chicken stir fry already in the fridge (not even ordering a Papa Johns as is my Friday night in standard...), drinking red wine, and attempting to watch 50 shades of Grey with Will, though he fell asleep about 4 minutes in. And that is counting the credits as 2 minutes of his watching time.

I turned it off, binge watched Nashville whilst Will slept on my lap, and cosily drank red wine whilst the lightening from the thunderstorm flashed across my living room. It was one of the first times I felt properly at home in my new flat, and it was a time when I was really aware of how content I felt, and how lovely a night I had had so far.

It made me think that for all the well thought out date nights, and all the money thrown at quality time, sometimes actually the moments we might look back at and remember in several years time, might be the ones which seemed everyday whilst they were happening. The nights when your boyfriend suggests to watch a film he knows is more up your street than his, when he does all the washing up and keeps your wine glass full to the brim, and tells you the "ready to cook" chicken you put in the oven with no effort is delicious and thanks you for it. The nights when your boyfriend snores lightly on your knee, and you can watch your new favourite TV programme without him complaining about all the country music, and err you can finish off his glass of wine, because he is literally snoozing and losing. Kidding! Sort of...but you get the gist, it reminded me not to forget to see the loveliness in the quieter, less exciting, less instagrammable times too!

 So maybe love can be just feeling as happy and content in your living room, as you would do at Beyonce's birthday party. Ok nearly as happy as content in your living room, as at Beyonce's birthday party, I mean I bet that girl can put on a good spread.

PS. An amazing date night up St. Pancras clocktower if you are in the mood to throw money at it...

Copyrights: Kim Casali, Tribune Media Services

A Lovely Love Story

A couple of weekends ago I had one of my most lovely ever days, at my friends Lucy and James' gorgeous on gorgeous tablets wedding at Lulworth Castle (phwoar worth photos here...)

Lucy asked my friend Shiv and I to do a reading in the ceremony, and it was such an honour and so bloomin special to be a little part of their day. Lucy's not religious, so instead of something like Corinthian's 3 (though I do think that verse is beau-ti-ful) Lucy opted for Edward Monkton's dinosaur love story,which was quirky and funny and just so lovely. It suited their ceremony perfectly. It's title "A Lovely Love Story" is an apt one!

Lucy and James personalised it a bit, and it is great that the reading lends to that, here is an unaltered version:

A Lovely Love Story by Edward Monkton

The fierce Dinosaur was trapped inside his cage of ice.
Although it was cold he was happy in there. It was after all, his cage.

Then along came the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
The Lovely Other Dinosaur melted the Dinosaur's cage with kind words and loving thoughts.
I like this Dinosaur, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
Although he is fierce, he is also tender and he is funny.
He is also quite clever though I will not tell him this for now.

I like this Lovely Other Dinosaur, thought the Dinosaur.
She is beautiful and she is different and she smells so nice.
She is also a free spirit, which is a quality I much admire in a dinosaur.

But he can be so distant and so peculiar at times, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
He is also so overly fond of things. Are all Dinosaurs so overly fond of things?

But her mind skips from here to there so quickly thought the Dinosaur.
She is also uncommonly keen on shopping. Are all Lovely Other Dinosaurs so uncommonly keen on shopping?

I will forgive his peculiarity and his concern for things, thought the Lovely Other Dinosaur.
For they are part of what makes him a richly charactered individual.

I will forgive her skipping mind and her fondness for shopping, though the Dinosaur. For she fills our life with beautiful thoughts and wonderful surprises.
Besides, I am not unkeen on shopping either.

Now the Dinosaur and the Lovely Other Dinosaur are old.
Look at them. Together they stand on the hill telling each other stories and feeling the warmth of the sun on their backs.
And that, my friends, is how it is with love.

Let us all be Dinosaurs and Lovely Other Dinosaurs together.
For the sun is warm.
And the world is a beautiful place.

PS. More lovely cuteness in the graphic novel Soppy...

Town Halls

Bethnal Green Town Hall, 1965

After three and a half years, I am kicking the Bethnal Green bucket - this is my last weekend in Bethy G before I move to South East London (via perhaps the Chiltern Hills as we are yet to exchange on the flat we're buying...humph.) It is a little over 4 years since I rocked up to my first flat in Bethnal Green (I had a lovely mini sabbatical from the area between my 2 Bethy G flats, living on Camden Passage in Angel). 4 years. With or without the sabbatical, I've lived in this little corner of zone 2 for longer than I was at uni! And uni seemed like such an epic era of my life, I can't believe I've spent more of my adult life here than there.

Bethnal Green is an example of the typical gritty chic east London: pub A sells pints for £1.40 if you buy them before 11am. Across the road, pub B, doesn't open til 5, sells only "craft beers" and you can't buy a pint for less than a fiver. And next door pub C, is no longer a pub but has turned into a speakeasy with an extensive whisky based cocktail list.

In the time I've lived here Bethnal Green has changed quite a bit. It has been labelled this whole type as "up and coming" but when I first lived here, 70% of the pubs were type A's, now 70% are B's and C's. Where there were sari shops and fried chicken places, there are now prosecco bars and cat cafes. McDonalds wasn't open 24 hours and Paradise Row was just some railway arches behind a petrol station. But what has stood here the whole time, moving in at the same time as I did, is the Town Hall Hotel.

Well, the Town Hall itself has been as it was since 1910, but someone marched in and made it into a 5 star hotel in 2011. Yep, that is right Bethnal Green has a 5 star hotel! And, before I left Bethnal Green, one of my top things to do on my bucket list, was to visit it for a meal in their 3 AA rosette restaurant - the Typing Room. So, booking a few weeks in advance (as you need to to get a table here), I headed down there for what was meant to be my last Friday in Bethnal Green (but was actually 3 weeks ago, damn house buying slowness).

My rhubarb gin and tonic must have gone to my head, as I think I sort of melted down into relaxation and didn't take many snapshots to share, but to be honest, I wouldn't be able to match the amazing photography on their website and blog - here and here.

Basically the only photos I took, and 1 photo Will took when I was clearly too engrossed in the wine menu to notice...

They only do a tasting menu in the evenings, but you do get to choose between 5 courses and 7 courses and they will swap out anything you don't like. For 5 courses and the quality of food, I thought the cost was pretty good - £60 plus tip for 5 courses, £75 plus tip for 7. We went for 5. The food is a little experimental, but not a crazy "open this box of dry ice, pull out this mushroom which is actually a jellied pig ear" type of experimental. The menu changes reguarly - you can see an example here, but I really enjoyed what we were served that night - smoked reindeer, which they actually showed as smoking in a little oak box (!), chargrilled curried cauliflower, deep fried pigs trotters with bacon jam. For food that good, the atmosphere and service was friendly and relaxed.

I want to eat all my cauliflowers this way please. #5aday

It might seem a bit weird having something so luxe on Cambridge Heath Road, not the swishest of places or even of Bethnal Green, but actually I sort of liked that juxtaposition of a super swanky place, in less than swanky surroundings. Sort of like when you feel extra cosy when being driven down country roads in the dark, looking out at all the pitch black woods and fields and feeling all snuggled and safe inside. Anyone else have that? Anyhoo, that was sort of what it was like to sit in a grand hotel in the middle of an east London estate, drinking wine and eating foie gras.

I've come up with a little Bethnal Green bucket list, which I'll share next post, but ticking off dinner at the Town Hall was definitely a good start. You can book dinner at the Typing Room online here or if you fancy something more chillaxed, head to their bar or second restaurant.

Do you live in the east end or are visiting London soon? Try an east London walking tour.



Copyrights: The top photo is taken from Town Hall Hotel's website.

Twilight in the Sky Garden (Snapshots)

I bloomin love being up high buildings - feels so much more poignant and sophisticated having a gin and tonic 30 floors up instead of 1.

One of my best friends just came back from 6 months in Tokyo, and I was hearing from her and my other friend (her boyfriend) about this swish bar 41 floors up where from 5-9pm (twilight) you can enjoy unlimited drinks and canapes for £20. And this £20 doesn't just cover mimosas and bellinis, oh no, you can drink anything - from champagne to expensive whiskeys to cocktails. It is definitely on my bucket list now! (Is it a bad sign if you put an all you can drink bar on your bucket list? Never mind)

Anyhoo, for Will's birthday we watched the sunset at the top of 20 Fenchurch Street (more commonly known as the Walkie Talkie) in the Sky Garden, the UK's highest public gardens. You can book a ticket up the Sky Garden for free, but just a warning, unless you have far more self control than me - which to be fair you may well do - you are going to spend quite a bit more than £20 on drinks and canapes, and they will not be unlimited.

I did see some much more sensible people sitting in the garden reading a book, but to be honest when you're up there with the breathtaking views, and the gorgeous sunsets and the err fully stacked bars, it is very tricky not to order a drink or 2. In the cheapest bar on the concourse, it will cost you £11.50 (+service) for a cocktail, £7 (+service for a glass of house wine or prosecco) and like £16 (+ service) for say a branded double spirit on the rocks.

But pff the prices, check out the pictures (from light to dark):

Birthday boy was actually looking out that pensive, he isn't even posing intentionally here!

Don't even mind paying £11.50 for my cocktail if it comes with a flower!

So there you go! Overwhelmed you and me with photos now, sorry. FYI if you need more evidence of how nice it is up the Sky Garden all these photos were taken by me (with very poor photo taking abilities) with either my Samsung Galaxy 3 or my boyfriend's iPhone 6. Twilight at the Sky Garden just looks this damn good! Book a free visit to the Sky Garden here

Like stuff up high buildings? Check out my post "A silent disco with a view and 39 thoughts you'll have up there"

Soppy

Today is my boyfriend Will's birthday. I am not just being a completely uninterested girlfriend, and sitting here writing this as he sits alone drinking a solitary glass of prosecco, fyi. As a sort of birthday treat before the proper birthday treats commence (oh no, not that, I just meant before the expensive restaurant reservations and cool bars and all the birthday steak and champagne) I am chilling beside him sipping a beer and writing on this whilst he plays GTA on his PS4, as for some reason he likes it when I watch him play video games and actually, I think this is a pretty nice Wednesday afternoon. (Especially as I know there will be steak and champagne and amazing London views in just an hour or two).

I find Will pretty difficult to buy presents for. I've always thought boys were tricky, I remember even when I was younger and not in a relationship, thinking my goodness if I had a boyfriend what would I possibly get him for his birthday? The only things I could think might go down well, were those sold from HMV, and even then, not the most thoughtful present, a Jay Z CD. I'd sort of assumed that when I did get like, a proper boyfriend, I'd suddenly know - that it would be some sort of acquired wisdom which appeared when I changed my relationship status on facebook, but alas no.

He like technology, and he cares about what he wears but I don't know enough about the latest gadgets to choose the best one (and err potentially earn enough to) and although I think he always looks great, I find it difficult to gauge whether he will or won't like something. One Christmas, I designed him some Nike ID blazers, and I've seen him wear them maybe 3 times in the 2 or so years since, and I think those times were more for my benefit than his!

We tend to take the day off on each other's birthdays, go out and do something fun which the other one plans and pays for (hence the plying him with steak and champagne later) but I always want to get him a little something something to open. Just a little gesture present. Last year I bought him frownies, as he frowns in his sleep and when I try and hold his face in a way to stop him frowning it only makes him frown more! I worry that if we are still together at 40 I will be looking across the table at a man who has the frownlines of an 80 year old, so guess that was a little bit of a present for me too..

And today I gave him a present which is a little bit of a present for me too - Phillipa Rice's comic novel, Soppy. Because a) he likes comics and graphic novels a bit and b) as the comic novel is about Phillipa Rice moving in with her boyfriend, illustrator Luke Pearson, and March also marks a year of Will and I shackin' up together.

And I just love it, and I think Will does too.

It so honestly and so lovely-ly (realise that is not a word, soz. Soz soz is not a word either) describes what a normal hum drum relationship is like, and just how perfect that hum drum is.

You recognise so much of your own relationship in Phillipa and Luke's, and it is rofls galore.

Phillipa - who is also the creator of My Cardboard Life (an online cartoon about a piece of cardboard, Colin and a piece of paper Pauline) does the cutest drawings, with lots of great details that make the book come alive a little more.

I don't want to break copyright laws left right and centre, but here are just a couple of strips I particularly recognised from my own life, which will hopefully show you better than I can describe how marvellous on marvellous tablets it is, and encourage to go out and buy the whole thing. I'd really recommend it, for yourself or your beau.

 

At this one, Will was like, "I thought I was the only one who liked their girlfriend watching them whilst I play video games!" I at least, am glad to know that I am not the only girl in the world who has spent a Saturday afternoon watching their boyfriends fight dragons...

He definitely falls asleep on me, pretty much every time I let him choose the movie too!

Err yep, totally did ruin my Macbook pro design by sticking a Homer Simpson photo on it...and I love it!

PS. The cupcake in the first photo is from "Juscakes" on Bethnal Green Road. If you have ever walked down Bethnal Green road you will have walked past that cake shop and thought, oh my goodness that is the most amazing smell ever. Well I can tell you, those cakes are no Subway (whose taste never matches that amazing smell) those cakes taste like Juscakes shop smells!! That is not even butter cream on the top, that is like, full on whipped cream!!

It is no Soppy, but this is the list I made about moving in with your boyfriend - Pros and cons of moving in with your boyfriend as told by Beyonce's visual album

5 ways to fight better

 

First of all a disclaimer. This is obviously not a post about tips to, I don't know, box or cage fight or wrestle better, although how good would that be if I suddenly came out as the least expected female cage fighter at this point in my little blog. Alas no, I have no hidden cage fighting talents.

Actually a second disclaimer too, when I do say "fight better" I mean have less destructive arguments, but I am not a pyschologist, or relationship therapist, and most of this is from what I've read, learned and my own ponderings.

With Loner. Lover. Friend, I am making myself keep things on an even rotation of loner things (things to do by yourself/ musings about the world), lover things (great dates and thinking about how to be a good girlfriend) and friend things (things to do with your gal pals, and ways I am trying to be a better one).

I've always thought it is quite important to stick to an order (loner post followed by lover post followed by friend post) partly because I want my blog to be a place for all 3 and it could quickly develop into a "great dates" or general musings if I'm not careful.

However, last week I missed out one of my "lover" posts. I had wanted to do a lovely Valentine's post, complete with lots of pictures of candlelit roses, and crispy pork belly courtesy of M&S 2 dine in.

But I didn't post anything partly because it felt a little like I would be treading over that social media line between sharing your celebrations, and bragging to anyone who will listen. It is tough to post a Valentine's date in a way that won't make everyone else throw up on themselves.

And also, it felt a little like a lie.

Will and I did have a lovely Valentine's weekend, on Thursday (the 12th, oh so very uncharacteristically organised of him) he sent roses to my office. On Friday, we took the day off (had annual leave to use up) and went around the Tower of London, drank a whole bottle of prosecco in the afternoon, then headed to Resident for an amazing rump steak to share, with wedges and salad and more prosecco. Saturday we had a lazy day, which ended with aforementioned M&S and him actually agreeing happily to watch a romcom!

And then on Sunday, we had a massive fight.

And it wasn't a fight over much really, Will probably needed space after 2 solid days of such intense couple time and his pulling away always make me attempt to cling on, exasperating the situation.

I lovingly stuck my nose in his business, when it was not really wanted, and pushed my advice even when it was clear he was declining from taking it.

Obviously people who love each other fight. Indeed, people who love each other fight probably  more than people who don't care about each other - if an acquaintance was 20 minutes late to meet me, I wouldn't say a thing but if Will was, I would tear him a new one. If I burnt myself cooking dinner for even a close friend, I certainly wouldn't somehow blame them for the mishap, but if I burnt myself when cooking for Will and I was stressed and in a bad mood, it could quickly become me shouting at him telling him he doesn't do enough cooking and now look what he has done, he has made me burn myself...

I am hoping at this point some people reading this are nodding slightly in recognition, and not just thinking I am a crazy pyscho bitch...Whether it is that they fly off the handle with their other half for not putting their socks in the laundry, or moan at their Mum for not getting the right brand of greek yoghurt, I don't think I am alone at making my loved ones bare the blunt of me overreacting. (The latter has definitely been me again, and the former, well Will).

So aside from us becoming more rational, decent people even to those we love irrationally and ooer sometimes indecently what can we do to help us "fight better", fight in a less damaging way?

Here are 5 ways I've come across/ can think of:

1. One of my favourite books of those I read last year was Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project". A self help book, which isn't too embarrassing to read on the tube. (She also has a great blog - the Happiness Project, here).

In it she talks about "fighting right" which she says is when couples manage to stay in that argument and don't bring up old news and accusations, "you always", "you never", "I should have known you..." which quickly scale things up out of control.

2. I also had a little search around some of my favourite life coaching blogs, and found a tip from Danielle Dowling, which suggested, if you can by any chance get away with it, bring some humour into the argument, do something to lighten the mood and make fun of yourself. (Obviously this won't always work, but still, most of my arguments begin over such silly things, that I think maybe I could get away with being silly.)

3. I also asked my mum and sister how they "fought right". My mum and dad have been happily married for 33 years this spring, so I figured they must be doing something right. And my sister is one of the few people I know, who is still with their first boyfriend they met in their teens, and hasn't had any freak outs about the fact they will probably be together forever, so she must be a good fighter too.

Neither of them knew.

However, I had a think about it, and I think maybe what they do is pick their fights, and don't lose their shit over every little annoyance. Both my mum and my sister can be super scary when mad, causing my dad and my sister's boyfriend to beg them respectively for forgiveness.

But I think it is because they are so nice the rest of the time, so loving and not flying off the handle and getting upset at every little thing that when they do blow up, you know it is for a reason. People give a lot more slack if you pick your battles.

4. Then there is the advice which seems like it has been given since the dawn of time "don't go to bed in a fight".

I'd like to add to that: don't pick a fight anywhere near bedtime. Even if you think someone has done something horribly wrong and can't leave it without them knowing how upset you are, things will never be better from you getting into a fight when you are already a bit tired and cranky. Use sleep as a temporary escape, and bring your issues up in the morning when both of you will have a more balanced view.

5. And finally, last night I got a little bit of advice from an unlikely source when watching Season 3 of House of Cards.

Without giving away any spoilers, Frank and Carrie Underwood, always a stony and odd couple, had a huge argument which they struggled to overcome. They as Frank described "said things which can't be undone".

When fighting try to avoid saying massive sweeping statements, wishing people dead, telling them they are too stupid for you, or you find them unattractive. We all want to hurt someone at that time when we are hurting, but from now on, even though I don't have faith I will always be able to stop making hurtful comments completely, I am not going to say things which can't be recovered from eg. "you are silly spending so much money on (insert your boyfriend's bad habit here) at your age" or even, "and I don't even like you in those jeans" is not a mark on "I hate you and wish you'd leave my life".

Even the loveliest of dinners have to end, and someone has to do the washing up.

Don't completely hate my pseudo pyschology? Then maybe you won't hate "9 ways to be a better pal".

Lover: Janxiety stopper number 5: Burgers, banoffee pie and buying houses with boyfriends

There ain't no therapy like retail therapy. One way to beat the January blues (I realise it is technically February now but the goings on of this post happened in Jan) is definitely to hit the January sales, ignore the looming credit card bills from Christmas and help the transformation into the better, shinier, new you of 2015 become a reality by buying lots of better shinier patent leather brogues/ sale price designer handbags/ leopard print faux fur coats (insert your purchase of choice here). Or if the ASOS sales don't do it for you, you could just make the biggest buy of your life and get a house. Talk about retail therapy.

I say buy a house but really I mean buy a flat. And when I say buy a flat, I mean make an offer on a flat and get it accepted.

As it turns out this is definitely not the be all and end all. There are still plenty of hurdles to jump over, even if you are a first time buyer and don't even have to worry about selling your property first. Really this post should be called "Burgers, banoffee pies and putting offers in on flats, and attempting to get a mortgage despite my constant overdraft use" but it didn't have the same ring to it.

I have listed the 4 massive house-buying no nos I've made, and ways not to make them towards the end of this post, but as a delicious meat patty between the boring seeded bun that is house buying I thought I'd tell you a little a bit about how Will and I celebrated our first mortgage offer in principle (that we then turned down). We headed to Hache, the London burger joint which began in Camden, and has now sprung up all over town.

Cos yep, Will and I are buying this flat together. Which does seem like a pretty big deal, considering we have only been together 3 and a half years, lived together for one and I am pretty confident he has no plans anytime soon to put a ring on it. And I am not pregnant, just to clarify. Some of you will probably read 3 and a half years, and think that is plenty of time, some will think it is very quick.

For Will and I the decision to buy together wasn't just cos we love each other, it was partly practical. We'd looked at buying separately within our budgets, and we could only afford what appeared to be ex crack dens on A roads in zone 4 of the tube, and so we decided to pool resources and buy a pretty 2 bedroom flat which is nice with a garden, in a lovely part of zone 3.

Some people, including one of my best friends who is getting married, has pointed out that it takes longer to get out of a joint mortgage than a marriage. I can sort of see what she means, but my rationale has always been that if I broke up with Will, and met some new person in 2 years time and had to explain I was renting out a property I still owned with my ex, that would seem a lot less odd, than if I mentioned I was divorced. For me, marriage is standing up in front of everyone you love, and saying I know I want to be with this person forever. Buying a flat is more like saying, I love you and I want this to work forever, and therefore I am going to bet on our future life and invest in it. Still a big deal, but for me not as much. (And Will and I are going to be sensible and see a lawyer who will draw up what happens if we break up, to make sure we both get out what we put in. How romantic).

Anyhoo, back to the burgers. Hache was quite a last minute choice, made when exhausted by panicked phonecalls to mortgage brokers we decided we needed wine, and couldn't cook. After looking into various Shoreditch establishments bursting to the brim at 7pm on a Thursday, we settled on Hache. Plenty of tables and no wait, but not eerily empty. I wasn't expecting that much, I mean I was expecting wine and a burger so I knew it would be pretty fabulous, but oh my giddy ants Hache burgers are amazing! (And I am someone who on Wednesday ate a bacon cheeseburger with deep fried macaroni cheese in it, so I really do know burgers. (That one was ok, at All Star Bowling Lanes, the meat patty let it down)). In short, I know burgers.

To date, my top burger in London is Five Guys - not the cutesiest burger place, but lovely moist, flavoursome burgers. But maybe, just maybe Hache has come along and topped it...

Inside Hache is quite cute with lots of fairy lights and angel wings. The staff are really attentive and the service is quick. Their menu is sort of "burgers around the world" which I was a bit sceptical of as I am not a fan of Fire and Stone's "pizzas around the world" - I don't like food genre mixing - but I ended up going with the Bavarian burger and boy it was good.

Buying houses means you cant afford haircuts even when you desperately need them...

It was topped with Bavarian smoked cheese which would always make it a winner for me (I've been known to carry those tubes of 70p smoked processed cheese in my handbag for a pick me up when I am out and about) but it was so much more than smoked cheese. The brioche bun was perfection, the steak burger was just the right amount of greasiness and just so scrummy that you would have been happy to eat it by itself, but that it was smothered in cheese and fried onions just made it a dream.

For pudding I had their banoffee pie which they recommended for 2, but it was so good I finished it all by myself (and I was so drunk I didn't take photos, sorry).

If you want to read on about the mistakes I've made whilst buying a flat, then please do. If you don't cos you are not buying houses and don't want to read advice about credit searches and limiting your glittery nail varnish outgoings, then that is ok too, though not to sound like your mother but you might appreciate it one day.

I am only a teensy way through the buying process, but here are some mistakes I've made so far, and what I've learnt so far:

1. Good grief get on your electoral roll and move all your bank statements and everything to where you live now.
According to TSB, only 21% of people check they are on an electoral roll before applying for a house. We knew we were on one, but because we weren't on one of the property we've been living in for 10 months, we were rejected by one mortgage provider. It all totally makes sense in your head, if you are only somewhere temporarily and if there has been nothing to vote on, why bother? But getting on the electoral roll is the easiest and cheapest thing to do on this list and loads of banks actually will reject you for being on one which isn't where you currently are renting. Similarly, all my bank accounts (as well as my voter's roll) were registered at my parents because it seemed safer but loads of providers don't like that, so as annoying as it is, move your bank accounts around with you, or at least move them to your current address at least two months before buying a place.


2. Stay out of your overdraft - even if it's interest free.
Some people are obviously very good with their finances - they never touch their overdraft, pay off any credit cards in full every month and use barely any of their agreed limit. They are going to get a mortgage easy peasy. I am not that person. There are also other types of people: people who miss credit card payments, take out payday loans and go over their agreed overdraft limit. Thankfully I am not that person either, because it is tricky to get a mortgage in that position. I am a bit of a middly person. I pay most of my credit card off, most of the time, and I never go anywhere near my limit, but I am perfectly happy living the last few days (/2 weeks) of the month in my interest free overdraft. Maybe this is a thing left over from student days but as it turns out, banks hate overdrafts, and they'd rather see you having balance on your credit card you haven't fully paid off than dipping into yours. Obviously for 3-6months before you apply for a mortgage cut back on spending, but when push comes to shove prioritise staying out that overdraft rather than paying off 100% of your credit card.

3. Know the difference between hard and soft credit searches
When you apply for a mortgage in principle, some banks do a hard credit search and some do a soft one. A hard basically means it shows on your credit score, a soft means only you can see it. If you have hard credit search and you get declined then it shows on your credit score like a big no no for all the banks that follow. If you are thinking of applying for a bank which does a hard credit search (some banks and almost all building societies do) then just make sure you check all of their eligibility criteria properly first, even if you are working with a broker. Not all banks are the same, some might be ok with you being on an electoral roll at your parents, some won't. Some will overlook missed credit card payments and payday loans that happened over 3 years ago, some won't. Make sure you fit the specific bank's eligibility criteria before applying for a hard search, and do a bit of googling. Are people moaning online about how they've been declined? Then that provider might be a hard nut to crack.

4. Get organised.
 Even if you are just sussing out the market and are going to pick a solicitor and bank/mortgage broker later, just do it before you even start looking. You'll know better what you can afford, you might have more time to rectify mistakes 1&2 and it means if your dream property comes up you won't have to make loads of big snap decisions in 24 hours. Like we did.

I am not going to tell you how much it costs to buy a house, cos I just do not want to know how much I have already spent on mortgage application fees, solicitors and surveyors, basically the answer is shitloads, but below is how much a night at Hache burger will cost:

You can book a reservation at Hache here.

Yum. Another scrumptious meal out in the east end at Story Deli... Lover: Pizza at Story Deli