Edit: I wrote this post 7 months ago, and never posted it because of my inability to be consistent in any way with writing on here as I allude to in my first paragraph! Plus looking after a baby is more of a full time job than a full time job in my opinion. I am not going to make any promises that this is the time I commit to this corner of the internet and make it work - but as I am trying to revitalise this space once again, I wanted to post this because, my number one consistent reader is me really, and I really want to re read this in a few years time. This place has always mainly been about me trying to squeeze as much juice from life as possible (not an innuendo), as well as hoping it helps others do so too. And what part of life is more juicy and what you want to remember more than your first few weeks with your first baby. So strange looking back on this and remembering how I felt. For anyone who has a newborn baby and stumbles across this post, one of the things I now look back on and find most interesting is how much I thought I loved Max, even though it was a strange love where I also felt like I didn't know him. A love mainly about his cuteness and that he was mine and I made him. I guess my love is probably still about all those things, but it feels so much more now - a take my breath away, heart bursting out my chest, fireworks kind of love. So if you are cosying up to your tiny bundle of joy and you think the love is there but not like you were told or imagined, I promise you, it gets so much more and it gets so much better. Also as I type this I am sitting next to Max who is chatting with me (nonsensical babble of course) and eating his bagel and almond butter, it gets so much easier too. Every chapter of motherhood has its tricky sections fosho, but nothing feels as all encompassing as those hazy newborn days.
Also can we all appreciate the lol in the 4th paragraph that is me at 2.5 months postpartum thinking I am going to posting lots of "dinner party menus" on this blog in the coming months. I have since hosted one brunch. ha. ha. ha.
I have never been the most consistent blogger - as soon as I get even a sniff of a following or interaction from readers, well, I'd like to say life gets in the way but that might be a little bit of a lie really. I don't know just despite my best intentions, despite the fact that blogging gives me a comfy little creative outlet and somewhere to help me make sense and appreciate our wonderful world I don't seem to have the stamina to keep it up, and don't have the balls to promote it. It just pitters out whilst I prioritise other things like err watching TV, and then something happens which makes me want to reignite it again.
Well the something has happened again and that something is: I've birthed a freaking human. And if I ever needed somewhere to let me create something, and feel like an adult human woman with an identity and opinions it is surely now when all my life and all my time is consumed by a tiny demanding crying ball of everything lovely. I'd like, no I need, to keep a little section of my brain for me so here I am back, back again, tell a friend (several months of no blogging yet still unable to get any sort of post out without quoting circa 2002 r'n'b unfortunately that has not changed).
So yeah, so I can do something which isn't about my baby I'd like to now take a whole page to err chat about my baby and his birth.
