Wooohooo. It is the end of October, and thus less than 2 months until Christmas. Next week, it is also 3 years since I - pumped up on cherryade and vodka - did my best hair swirling dance which enticed my boyfriend Will to first kiss me. And in 3 days it will mark 7 months since we moved in together, which means we have successfully made it past the 6 month mark. Excellent. And in December, it will be the anniversary of when my girl Bey (I mean "my girl" in the loosest sense, as she has no idea who I am) surprised us by releasing the self titled visual album, making all of our Christmas dreams come true.
So to celebrate this special time in the year, I have put together an array of GIFs (as I love those) demonstrating what I've learned through these last 7 months living with Will through the medium of Beyonce herself. What happens when you live with your boy:
1. You share all the grocery shopping, and you'll start having kitchen roll in your house again! Plus, unlike when you share with housemates, you are allowed to eat anything in the fridge, which has more cheese, red meat and beer in it than it did before.
2. But you still never have spare loo roll, milk, kitchen foil or any of the essential stuff when you need it. Pff.
2. You accidentally turn into your mother. Whereas when you used to live apart you'd send witty and interesting texts about your day, now you just send ones asking when they will be home for dinner.
3. You will never sleep properly again. Spending a bed with them every night means being woken up by someone going to the loo, coming to bed or getting up, nicking the covers, sleep talking or spooning you. And on the few nights they are away from your home, and you actually have the bed by yourself your body longs for them to wake you up in the night muttering in their sleep and trying to spoon you by holding that worst bit of your tummy which all falls to one side at night, and you spend the night watching that weird video you took of him sleeping that time.
4. However, there is no deeper joy than on the days when they get up early to go the gym, and you don't have to get up to go to work for like a whole other hour and you starfish in the bed and it is just wonderful.
5. You will re-discover how excellent it is to have a TV schedule again, like you did when you were 15. Downton Sundays, Made in Chelsea Mondays, New Girl and Mindy Project Tuesdays...why did you ever stop watching live TV to do things like go out? And what boys will watch with you on TV is very unpredictable. Ex on the Beach, Mindy Project, Teen Mom 2 are no nos, but Strictly Come Dancing and New Girl are ok. Snuggling on the sofa with a Papa Johns, red wine and a boyfriend in a flat that is all yours is may be the best thing in the world. And sometimes you get to go to bed at 11 on a Friday night. Saturday is such a different day when it is not tainted by a hangover...
6. Speaking of Papa Johns. You will eat so many more carbs, and drink so much more beer.
7. But because you don't spend all your free week nights seeing your boyfriend instead of going for a run, and because you don't sleep several nights a week in a home without your gym clothes in it, you'll exercise more meaning you'll be in a better mood and you'll actually lose weight!
8. However much you think you won't have arguments about household chores..."oh I think we'll be fine because I enjoy cooking so I'll do all that, and he actually doesn't mind cleaning" you will do. They'll be those things you do differently - to put dirty plates in the sink if you can't be bothered to wash them or leave them on the side? - and he will say all of your scented candles, throws, flowers and sequinned cushions are clutter!! Say whaat? And it will be the end of an era of trying on a dozen outfits before a night out and just shedding them on the floor, when you decide they are not for you...
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| None of that in my house, Bey. |
9. Also boys actually have a lot of clothes and dare I say "beauty products" themselves. Not as in mascara and lip gloss, but moisturisers and hair creams and sometimes they get annoyed when you borrow them.
10. They also shower loads, and change their pants several times a day and actually are probably cleaner than you are! Who knew. But they certainly cannot handle water as hot, which means every time you take a shower you will be greeted by this horrible lukewarm mess rather than the piping hot water your body needs.
11. That advert where that bloke walks into the bathroom and goes to the loo when the woman is having a candlelit bath? That will actually happen to you. But then they will be super apologetic about it and it will only be a wee, so at least there's that.
12. You'll start to have bedtimes and bedtime routines again, and indeed the routines will be very similar to those you had pre-13 - bath, book, hot drink, sleep. And you will again become a mother and try to enforce it on him...lights out, playstation off now or you'll be tired and grumpy tomorrow...
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| Swap the sexy trench coat for my mum's old dressing gown, and the neglige for my university skiing club t-shirt, and we basically look exactly the same |
13. After all of those romantic getaways and couples holidays where you totally convinced him you were the only human in the world who only ever went to the toilet to pee, the jig will be up. Living with someone makes it basically impossible to go on pretending that you don't poo.
14. It is horrible when they go out at night, and you either can't sleep wondering where they are, or you nod off and they stumble in and eat their McDonalds super loudly in bed. And you are like, I was sleeping biatch.
15. And somehow you will quickly adjust to seeing them all the time, a weekend apart will feel like two weeks, and however grumpy you are in the morning, or how much time you spent together the night before, by the time 5pm rolls around and you've finished work you can't wait to go home and do it all again.
16. And most of the time everything is just lovely.
I sort of want to finish this blog post in the way I normally do, with a "so how much will it cost you to move in with your boyfriend?" but I feel like a breakdown of estate agent fees and the like would be tiresome for both you and I. So instead I am going to say "how much will it cost you to own all of the Beyonce fabulousness you have glimpsed in here and not just these rather amateurish GIFS?"
You can buy the Visual Album with CD and DVD by clicking here.
Do you like lists? Then maybe you will like Friend: A Silent Disco with a view and 43 thoughts you will have up there.
Copyrights: Beyonce Visual Album, Columbia
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