Introducing baby Max

Edit: I wrote this post 7 months ago, and never posted it because of my inability to be consistent in any way with writing on here as I allude to in my first paragraph! Plus looking after a baby is more of a full time job than a full time job in my opinion. I am not going to make any promises that this is the time I commit to this corner of the internet and make it work - but as I am trying to revitalise this space once again, I wanted to post this because, my number one consistent reader is me really, and I really want to re read this in a few years time. This place has always mainly been about me trying to squeeze as much juice from life as possible (not an innuendo), as well as hoping it helps others do so too. And what part of life is more juicy and what you want to remember more than your first few weeks with your first baby. So strange looking back on this and remembering how I felt. For anyone who has a newborn baby and stumbles across this post, one of the things I now look back on and find most interesting is how much I thought I loved Max, even though it was a strange love where I also felt like I didn't know him. A love mainly about his cuteness and that he was mine and I made him. I guess my love is probably still about all those things, but it feels so much more now - a take my breath away, heart bursting out my chest, fireworks kind of love. So if you are cosying up to your tiny bundle of joy and you think the love is there but not like you were told or imagined, I promise you, it gets so much more and it gets so much better. Also as I type this I am sitting next to Max who is chatting with me (nonsensical babble of course) and eating his bagel and almond butter, it gets so much easier too. Every chapter of motherhood has its tricky sections fosho, but nothing feels as all encompassing as those hazy newborn days.

Also can we all appreciate the lol in the 4th paragraph that is me at 2.5 months postpartum thinking I am going to posting lots of "dinner party menus" on this blog in the coming months. I have since hosted one brunch. ha. ha. ha.

I have never been the most consistent blogger - as soon as I get even a sniff of a following or interaction from readers, well, I'd like to say life gets in the way but that might be a little bit of a lie really. I don't know just despite my best intentions, despite the fact that blogging gives me a comfy little creative outlet and somewhere to help me make sense and appreciate our wonderful world I don't seem to have the stamina to keep it up, and don't have the balls to promote it. It just pitters out whilst I prioritise other things like err watching TV, and then something happens which makes me want to reignite it again.

Well the something has happened again and that something is: I've birthed a freaking human. And if I ever needed somewhere to let me create something,  and feel like an adult human woman with an identity and opinions it is surely now when all my life and all my time is consumed by a tiny demanding crying ball of everything lovely. I'd like, no I need, to keep a little section of my brain for me so here I am back, back again, tell a friend (several months of no blogging yet still unable to get any sort of post out without quoting circa 2002 r'n'b unfortunately that has not changed).

So yeah, so I can do something which isn't about my baby I'd like to now take a whole page to err chat about my baby and his birth.

Loner Lover Friend... Mama

My ideal plan for this post was to recreate the picture of Beyonce when she announced her twins, but I tried that in Seville poolside and I don't look that great and not sure how into the photoshoot Will was so here I am, nothing quite as artistic unfortunately.

Also before we get to the really crux of this post can I just say, isn't it such a blogging and insta world thing to announce yourself "mama"? Not mummy, never mum, the chic French version of the word that only adorable babies (read no teenage boys) call you.

But anyway yeah, there is a little baby boy in my belly and I will one day be everything from a "mama" to "eurrrggg muuuum"!

9 nice, and 3 slightly bad things | June and July

Internet, I am a fireball of excitement, even though my should-have-been-winning sweepstake team, Spain, were knocked out of the bloomin football by Russia today say whaaaat? Nonetheless I cannot be got down, as this afternoon I booked my 30th birthday treat with Will, and bloody hell I. cannot. wait.

If any of you have ridden the on and off rollercoaster which is this little blogspot, you might remember two and a half years ago I surprised Will with a trip to New York. I literally met him for lunch with a suitcase I had packed with his clothes, and told him we were getting on a flight to the big apple. It was amazing, and I know he sort of wanted to do a huge surprise for me but then he was being all indecisive and got me to make the final decision and I am so glad he did. Mainly because I love all the control and planning, but also, now I have almost 2 months to just get more and more excited.

As we've been away quite a lot this year (24 hours in Tokyo blog post coming soon, hopefully) we've decided to trade air miles for luxury and are going here - we're staying in a hut which is also a suite with a roll top bath one night, and then the next we're staying in the posh manor where a michelin starred chef will design us an individual menu. Annndd it is 25 minutes from Stratford upon Avon so I am hopeful we can squeeze in some Shakespeare on the way home. I KNOW. Can I even think of 3 bad things for this post, when my mind is so clouded by pure elation and anticipation of all the food, and spa, and chill time? (Spoiler: Yes)