Friend: 9 ways to be a better pal in 2015

Ok, so I am not really qualified at all to tell you how to be a better pal. I have no degrees or A-Levels in pyschology or anything to do with human friendship and interaction, however I did just spend 43 minutes dragging my arse (which seems to have grown by realistically 1 stone but feels like 147 over Christmas) around Victoria Park trying to distract myself from all the pain of my first January run by thinking about the things I do that make me good and bad at friendship. So that is something. I think when it comes to me and friendship, there is certainly room for improvement. I am not a bad friend in an Eastenders way - I am not sleeping with my friend's boyfriend and plotting to kill them - just I could do better. I could be the one to text first more, make myself more available, be a little more supportive. So I guess this post should really be called "How I am going to be a better pal this year" but I am hoping there are some thoughts in there that anyone who reads this can take with them too.

Over Christmas I watched Sex and the City the movie for the first time in years and then inspired dusted off the box set. The big love stories in that series aren't between Carrie and Big, or Charlotte and Harry, or Steve and Miranda, they are between the girls themselves. And it made me realise, I don't have friendships quite like that. I do have many wonderful wonderful friends, who I really love and who make me laugh, make me cry, make me want to be a lovelier person; but I don't see them or speak to them every day - which the SATC crew seem to do even though they don't live together - , not all of them know the most up to date and most intimate details of my life, I don't know who I'd pick as my bridesmaids if I was getting married tomorrow, nor indeed who if anyone would pick me.

In a lot of sitcoms around friendship - Friends, How I Met your Mother, the Big Bang Theory, Sex and the City people seem to have practically no friends outside of the group. Who in real life has that?? 4 friends of course would be pretty manageable, but in reality we have loads and the numbers just grow and grow as we get older, when our spare time gets smaller and smaller (and if you are me, your bedtime gets earlier and earlier).

Easy peasy to put time into your friendships when you are 12. Sure you are not so dramatic and fall out over your friend copying you and buying the same pencil case nowadays, but back then take you really did put in the hours. You had to - you were legally obliged to go to school, which handily is where all your pals hung out. At university, sure I had a little side project - "getting a degree" - but whatever, my main project was friendship, and I had all the time in the world to work on it. And indeed the energy - I was never so tired at the end of the week that watching TV, eating pizza and going to bed at 11 seemed like a better idea than going out.

But now the hours each day I put into working, and indeed sleeping, has increased ten fold (ok that is an exaggeration), and I have a boyfriend. Bloody hell, and that is a drain on your time and energy if ever there was one. And cocktail nights with the girls cost like 6 times as much now we are no longer satisfied with mixing white wine, vodka and red bull in a mixing bowl, and pouring it in a glass with an umbrella in it.

So how can you have friends like Friends, whilst living in the real world? Well, I am not sure whether it is always possible, but these are the 9 things I am going to vow to do in 2015 to make me a little bit of a better pal.

1. Respect my friends are different from me, and that is ok. So I was tempted to put a collage of me and all my pals on various drunken and silly nights out, and then I thought, "hey my friends might not want me to post unflattering photos of them tipsy on the internet for anyone who wants to to see" so ta da. No collage. I am not really the most private person, so posting my innermost thoughts on the worldwide web isn't particularly scary for me. Similarly I'll tell my friends everything and anything, and I associate that open-ness with friendship. But actually, everyone is different and just because your friend doesn't fancy sharing intimate details of their sex life/ that they are applying for a new job/ how much they hate their future mother-in-law etc doesn't mean they're not a friend. People are different, my friends are different from me, that is what makes the world, and our friendship, interesting.

2. It is never weird to send that text/card/email etc. You see a picture a celeb posts on instagram that reminds you of a trip you've taken with your pal, but you haven't spoken in ages. You remember it's your friend's birthday and you see a card they would find hilarious, but you don't send each other cards, you normally just text. You see a cute little present which is super cheap, and is perfect for them, but there is no occassion. The number of times I haven't done the nicer thing because I am wary of coming over too nice - creepy. But unless the person who is sending me pictures/cards/texts because they "thought of me" is actually some weird man I gave my number to 4 years ago, I don't find it creepy, I find it flattering and sweet. So this year when I have a nice thought, I am going to act on it.

3. Do one better. Not as in "oh thank you for your £10 gift voucher here is a £50 0ne", trying to do one better than you friend, but make a bit more of a quality contact than you normally would. Eg. if you're friend has taken a fun photo on instagram, and you're about to place a comment, why not send a text instead, saying how you love it and asking how they are? If you're friend asks whether you are free one night and you're not, instead of sending a text explaining why you can't make it, why not call them, explain on the phone and have a little catch up? Obvs you can't do it every time, and of course there are types of contact which are completely out of proportion to what you want to say (don't ask your friend to meet you for cafe just to tell them you found their tweet lols galore).

4. Speaking of which...use a phone. I always text or meet up with someone, but there is a middle ground which is nicer than a text and not as time consuming as going for a coffee and that is the phone. The blooming phone. In 2015 I am going to start using minutes again, you know those things people put on your phone contract alongside data and texts.

4. Give better gifts. I think here is one where I don't score too badly - I am, as I waffle on about constantly, a fan of the experience gift, but you can't afford and it might be a bit showy if you were constantly taking even your mate you only saw a couple of times a year to afternoon tea at the Ritz. But there are always those pals you give chocolates too, or random earrings from New Look who you could get more thoughtful gifts to, without it breaking the bank. Instead of buying a bottle of wine, what about making your own amaretto? (It's really easy).  Perhaps make them a salt scrub, instead of getting them bath bits.

5. Manage expectations. Originally this post was going to be about a hoola hoop festival I was going to with my friend Rowan, because even though I was busy pretty much all of Saturday with prior commitments, I told myself and Rowan I'd swing by for a couple of hours. Of course I bloody couldn't, my time is like my money, I am always trying to spend more than I have. From now on I am going to take Will's advice from his time selling kitchens: tell people expectations you can definitely meet, and then you have the chance to exceed them.

6. Merge your social circles. When I was younger, the worst thing in the world was when my "best friend" started hanging out with someone else, especially if I thought that someone else was closer to me. Two friends who I met first hanging out without me was to be avoided at all cost, but now I am all about the merging. Inviting uni friends to work friends drinks if they are passing by, inviting a school friend I've just had coffee with to come with me on a night out with my old housemates, and inviting Will everywhere, the lucky man. Having compartmentalised groups of friends means you are spread way more thinnly.

7. But on the flip side - still make time for one on one time. A lot of this post has been about the little things, but they don't undermine the importance of the big things. Dinners where it is just the two of you, old style girly sleepovers and spa breaks are going to be the things that keep you feeling like they are one of your best friends.

8. Be creative when it comes to finding time. My friend Rowan (the hoola hooper) work relatively near each other, but slightly too far apart for a lunch break together and we move in completely different circles meaning regular group trips to the pub, or dinners out are not so common. But we breakfast. Get up a little earlier for work, and we normally go to Dishoom for a chai tea and bacon naan roll which is more than worth setting your alarm early for starters, but getting to start your day chatting to your mate is absolutely worth missing 30 mins snoozing your alarm for.

Dishoom. Mmmm.

9. Be more supportive. Cheer more marathons, applaud more performance, eat more bake-off cupcakes. But I also want to be more supportive in the humdrum every day - not be as argumentative and not be so quick to pick holes in their ideas. I don't mean to be critical of my friends, but it is my tendency to be argumentative (not in a confrontional way, but I do like playing the devil's advocate) and I like to share what is on my mind. But instead my mantra for this year will be "does it need to be said and do I need to be the one to say it".

The bit that always makes me cry in "It's a wonderful life". Waaaaaa Christmas is over.

Phew that was a long one! Fancy something shorter and easier? This one is basically all pictures...well GIFs even better...Lover: the pros and cons of moving in with your boyfriend as told by Beyonce's Visual Album

Loner: Christmas craftiness: Mulled Wine Salt Scrub and Cherry & Cinnamon Whisky (last minute present ideas you can make with stuff you can buy in a supermarket)

Mulled wine salt scrub. Mmmmm.

I have never really been that much of a craft person, but after starting Loner. Lover. Friend, I've been quite inspired to get down with my crafty self by all the wonderful crafters out there in bloggersphere. 

My main problem with crafts however, is that my crafty self has not the patience for crafts. My Dad always tells the story of how when he was younger, he and his cousin Antony were both given toy planes for Christmas, which needed assembling. Antony spent days filing down each of the pieces to make sure they were perfect to paint, then giving it a three licks of paint to make the colour pop and then finally assembling it. My Dad had assembled his plane and splashed it with some bits of paint before they'd even sat down for their turkey. I am my Dad. What is worse is not only do I not really have the patience for crafts I don't have much talent for them either.

However, for these two little pieces you need neither, as they are super easy and both take about half an hour max of hands on work. What is even better, is that you can buy all the things you need to make them from a supermarket, meaning that if there is a gift you've forgotten this Christmas, you can make these babies and actually get extra credit for the effort you put in for the homemade gift.

Mulled Wine Salt Scrub

So the name Mulled Wine salt scrub is probably a bit misleading as this one doesn't have any wine in it, but "the-spices-you-need-to-make-mulled-wine salt scrub" didn't have the same ring to it. This looks quite nice, but what is even better about it is the smell and the way it makes your skin feel afterwards. (I had to test it as it would be pretty awful to give my 81 year old Grandma something which gave her an allergic reaction). Not only is your skin all silky smooth, but you smell like Christmas.

What you'll need:

(You can amend the quantities and make this bigger or smaller depending how much salt scrub you want to make. I just used moroccan tea glasses to measure mine)

Approx 200g (4 parts) rock salt - not table salt, you need nice big pieces
Approx 50g (1 part) brown sugar
Approx 100 ml (2 parts) olive oil (or grapeseed, or almond, just definitely not vegetable or sunflower this shiz is going on your skin)
A glug of vanilla essence
A spoon of ground almonds, or a glug of almond essence
Mulled wine seasoning: I used mulled wine sachets - I bought a packet of 6 and just cut them open and added them, but you could if you prefer use a pestle and mortar and spices to grind whole cloves, cinnamon sticks and nutmeg. Again I added six sachets, but you can add less or more depending on how subtle you want the smell to be, and how much of the other ingredient you've used.
A jar to put it all in - I used this pretty one which was 80p from Ikea, but just a spruced up Jam Jar will do

How you can make it:
This is basically an all in at once thing, but I'd work with the olive oil, salt and sugar  first to get the consistency of a salt scrub. It should be solid enough that you can pick it up in your hands, but liquid enough that it is easy to rub on your skin.
If you use the proportions I've put above (4 parts salt, 1 part sugar, 2 parts oil) it will start of like this, but after you mix it together, it will form a nice consistency.

Then you just need to add a sprinkle of ground almond or almond oil (optional - but it means you get all those lovely moisturising nut oils) and a glug of vanilla essence. (Vanilla really compliments the mulled wine spices, and gives the salt scrub a sweeter scent).

After this just add your mulled wine spices. I just used the sachets of mulled wine, because I am lazy, and I am slightly scarred by a pestle and mortar after trying to grind lavender to add to a hand cream for my mum back in 2009, but if you want to get all your favourite spices together and grind them up you can do.

The sachets are great though, as the spices are already the right size and they have dried orange in as well, which is harder to get hold off yourself, without going to the effort of drying an orange. I cut six of them open and then added them.

Then you just need to stir it all together, mixing it really well so the spices and vanilla distribute evenly throughout.

After this you can present it as it is or label it up.

I added a cute little label with the ingredients on, to give it that little extra bit of homemade feel.

Writing "love" is cheesy but adorable. Nb. Sort of cheated and wrote the ingredients of the mulled wine sachet, rather than "mulled wine sachet"...

And ta-da: Merry Christmas Grandma! (or whoever else in your life might fancy this)

So how much will mulled wine salt scrub cost you? I guess it depends what you've got in your cupboard, but assuming you've got a little bit of sugar and a glug of olive oil around you'll only need to invest in some rock salt (as you'll use most of the packet), some mulled wine, ground almonds and some vanilla essence:

You'll have plenty of ground almonds and vanilla left though, to use in any future cooking. I'm going to be using it to make homemade amaretto, using Bell Alimento's lovely recipe.

Cherry and Cinnamon Whisky

My boyfriend loves Jim Beam's Black Cherry Whisky, and Fire Eater's Cinnamon Whisky so fusing cinnamon and cherry together in whisky myself for a nice homemade Christmas gift seemed like a plan. You can use any fruit or infusion you want, just keep in mind how bitty it is. I foolishly added ground almonds to this, and it took me yonks to sieve it out, so make sure whatever you use is big enough to be caught in a sieve.

For this I used blogger Oddly Lovely's double infusion method which she used with her infused vodkas. The more time you leave for the flavours to infuse, the stronger it is going to be (I had mine infusing for 6 days in total), but even if you can only do 48 hours (so two lots of 24 hour infusions) the double infusion method is the key.

What you'll need:

A 750ml bottle of whisky - there is no point buying a super expensive one of these, because you are going to amend the taste anyway with the infusions, however, don't get the Tesco Value bottle as you don't want something too harsh which is not going to complement the cherry and cinnamon flavours. I went with Teacher's as it was on offer.
2 punnets of black cherries
4 cinnamon sticks
vanilla essence
A funnel of some sorts (I just got one from a DIY store)
A sieve
An empty bottle for decanting your whisky into (I used one of these from Ikea which were £1.75, but they are 1 litre so end up being a little big)
Some jars you can make airtight (eg. old jam jars)

How to do it:

1. Wash and chop the cherries and place in air tight jars. You don't need to worry to much about removing the stones and the stalks at this stage, but make sure they are chopped up so all the lovely juices are coming out

2. Add a cinnamon stick and a drop of vanilla essence to each jar

3. Pour over the whisky, seal up and leave in the fridge for a minimum of 24 hours. (I left mine for 3 days).

A few days (or hours) later....

4. Sieve your the whisky into bowls, separating it from the cherries and cinnamon sticks.

The whisky will turn a lovely dark - cherry - colour

5. Then start all over again. Chop up more cherries, add them to the now empty bowls, and add the cinnamon and vanilla again.

6. Pour your infused whisky over the top, and pop in the fridge for round 2.

A few days (or hours later) ...

7. Sieve again, separating the cherries and cinnamon. You might have to sieve more than once if whatever you've infused has got a little bitty in the infusion process.

8. Decant into your bottle.

9.  You can then leave it as it is or label it up. I used manilla labels, and an extra fine uni posca pen in silver. I am no calligrapher, but I just browsed some fonts on pic monkey, typed out my message and then copied it the best I could. And bob's your uncle: a happy whisky drinker:

It seems a shame to throw away all these amazing boozy cherries so I removed the stones and stalk and stirred them and crushed digestive biscuits into chocolate, then set again and broke up for a lovely accompaniment to the infused whisky.

Remember to always drinks responsibly.

I love getting into the Christmas spirit by making homemade gifts, even if my family members aren't so sure about getting a present they can't return. I'm also looking forward to making this gingerbread biscotti on Smitten Kitchen. Yummity yum yum.

Still stuck for present ideas? What about taking someone on an experience gift like afternoon tea or even a walking tour of their local area?