about

Extra mysterious with the mug on my mug

Ok, first things first. I lied in my bio on the home page, the hip hop album thing is all a ruse to get you to this page. If you were thinking “Oh someone who not only puts thoroughly edited close ups they’ve taken of their coffees and candles on the internet but also raps. Now that is a new type of blogger” then you are wrong. I am afraid I am not, the album doesn’t exist, woopsy daisy and sorry. However, if you think Loner Lover Friend sounds like a hip hop album, that could be because it is only one word different from R. Kelly’s 1993 hit “Homie Lover Friend”.

This isn’t an R. Kelly fan site - are there any since those documentaries aired on the BBC? However much it pains me to give up dancing to Ignition (especially after a Pina Colada or 2). No, this definitely is not an R. Kelly fan site (though it is accidentally morphing into a Beyonce and/or scented candles one), and really Homie Lover Friend has nothing to do with me or this blog (though close friends and family may argue I sound like the girl described in the song, what with my “sexy gangsta way”). That is now my second lie, I absolutely have never been described like that.

I started Loner Lover Friend to try and get better at enjoying my own company, as it is not my strong suit being all by myself. I am editing this page as a new mum, and currently find that last sentence and the idea of ever being alone again hilarious, but my 2017 self is right, I am not that good at it should the opportunity ever arise again.

In the interest of making this space as authentic as any heavily filtered corner of the internet can be, the main reason I don't like my own company is because when it is not distracted by other people (and to be honest sometimes even when it is) my brain turns against me, and fills itself with horrible thoughts, and I have a panic attack. Not surprisingly, brainstorming the 3462 different ways my loved ones might have been hurt or killed at that very moment can do that to a girl.

 But I know being happy in my own company is the root of being better company for everyone else. A better friend, daughter, sister, girlfriend, mother, you name it. (Loner Lover Friend Mama Daughter Sister Cousin Granddaughter Niece Colleague was already taken on blogspot sadly).

As Ralph Waldo Emerson said “we must be our own before we can be anothers”. (And yes I did start off this page talking about R. Kelly and am now quoting Emerson).

Over 4 (on and off) years into reading and writing blogs, I am not sure whether I am that much better at spending a Saturday alone, but I definitely have my own thing, a hobby that is all mine - this little space. Now on maternity leave, and needing something to stop my brain from only being able to produce extra verses to "the wheels on the bus go round and round" I want to make more time of this space.

I have a lot of love for the social media world - yes there is a lot of standing on tables to take flat lays of your (now cold) food, you spend an unreasonable amount of your disposable income on flowers, Jo Malone everything and picturesque cups of tea, and yeah it is a curated life you are showing to everyone, snippets of reality rather than the whole messy thing.

But I think for me, it also makes me live more purposefully, and appreciate the smallest most beautiful things like a really good hot chocolate or a bright Autumn day. It helps me feel like I’m not just hurtling through life in neutral, barely aware of my choices from my career path to how I spend my Friday night. And I think it makes me more mindful, helps me take moments and appreciate the art of slow living, the every day, life’s little knick knacks. Blogging is about happy things - the big adventures and the small things that make life, well life, and I like that.

It hasn't made my panic attacks disappear, but I like to think it has loosened their clutch on me a little bit. It has given me determination that when I am not having one, I am going to try my darndest to be as content as I can be and experience as many wonderful things as possible (rather than spending my time panicking that I am going to have a panic attack, which is not the best).

On Loner Lover Friend, you’ll find everything from my suggestions for weird and wonderful nights out in my home town of London, to recipes for ice cream sandwiches. Travel guides for 24 hours in New York City, to my experience moving in with my boyfriend, set to GIFs from Beyonce’s visual album. And since 2019 a whole new section on being a mam! A post goes up every Sunday, you can follow me if you fancy it by clicking here.

Thank you so much for stopping by!

Some posts I quite like if you are too exhausted after that epic “about me” post to browse (understandable):

Out and about: A silent disco with a view and 43 thoughts you will have there (an oldie, but a goodie, in my opinion)
Miscellaneous thoughts: Going for a run
In and hosting and/or making: 3 ways to brunch with baked ricotta plus I've recently started a sort of  "real dinner parties" series where I break down all the cooking and prepping for feeding and entertaining a small gathering, as I should have done it. Because someone might as well learn from my dinner party mistakes (I certainly don't).

I also have a series, 9 nice things which posts every other month and looks back on the last month at 3 things you can buy, 3 things you can read or watch on the web, and 3 just lovely things to appreciate in the world. It then looks forward at 9 things to see, do, eat and celebrate in the month to come. A little gratitude list of past, present and future. The latest 9 nice things is here.