Twilight in the Sky Garden (Snapshots)

I bloomin love being up high buildings - feels so much more poignant and sophisticated having a gin and tonic 30 floors up instead of 1.

One of my best friends just came back from 6 months in Tokyo, and I was hearing from her and my other friend (her boyfriend) about this swish bar 41 floors up where from 5-9pm (twilight) you can enjoy unlimited drinks and canapes for £20. And this £20 doesn't just cover mimosas and bellinis, oh no, you can drink anything - from champagne to expensive whiskeys to cocktails. It is definitely on my bucket list now! (Is it a bad sign if you put an all you can drink bar on your bucket list? Never mind)

Anyhoo, for Will's birthday we watched the sunset at the top of 20 Fenchurch Street (more commonly known as the Walkie Talkie) in the Sky Garden, the UK's highest public gardens. You can book a ticket up the Sky Garden for free, but just a warning, unless you have far more self control than me - which to be fair you may well do - you are going to spend quite a bit more than £20 on drinks and canapes, and they will not be unlimited.

I did see some much more sensible people sitting in the garden reading a book, but to be honest when you're up there with the breathtaking views, and the gorgeous sunsets and the err fully stacked bars, it is very tricky not to order a drink or 2. In the cheapest bar on the concourse, it will cost you £11.50 (+service) for a cocktail, £7 (+service for a glass of house wine or prosecco) and like £16 (+ service) for say a branded double spirit on the rocks.

But pff the prices, check out the pictures (from light to dark):

Birthday boy was actually looking out that pensive, he isn't even posing intentionally here!

Don't even mind paying £11.50 for my cocktail if it comes with a flower!

So there you go! Overwhelmed you and me with photos now, sorry. FYI if you need more evidence of how nice it is up the Sky Garden all these photos were taken by me (with very poor photo taking abilities) with either my Samsung Galaxy 3 or my boyfriend's iPhone 6. Twilight at the Sky Garden just looks this damn good! Book a free visit to the Sky Garden here

Like stuff up high buildings? Check out my post "A silent disco with a view and 39 thoughts you'll have up there"

Walking and Wandering and Wondering on My Own at the V&A Alexander McQueen Savage Beauty exhibition

Aaaarg gosh and golly, this is like my third attempt at this blog post because I keep on waffeling more the f-on than per usual, and like quoting Shakespeare and it is all getting out of hand, so I am going to attempt this in more of a list form, but bear with me, because it is tricky to do a list like review of a gallery exhibition. That is probs why the Guardian doesn't do that...

So, like some sort of lady who lunches which I am not, I had a cheeky day off on Friday, just to hang out with myself. And this day unlike last time I had a casual Friday off I actually wasn't dying of a hangover thanks to a Thursday night at Hip Hop Karaoke (as flipping amazing as it sounds, but you do actually have to be good at rapping - they don't have the words up and they don't have Drunk in Love). No this day I got up to see the partial solar eclipse and everything (but didn't too many clouds in London).

If you've read the short epic novels which are my about page or my first post, then you know this blog is about doing nice things in London and in life with your lover, with your friends but also on your own. I wanted to be better at "me time", and not just end up watching Teen Mom 2 for 5 hours whilst eating Heinz Tomato soup if I had a day to myself. I've got away from that a little bit on Loner. Lover. Friend, my last "loner" posts have been about ways to get yourself out of a slump day, a musing about what Valentine's day is, different ways to wear Christmas jumpers...I am not going to stop doing those posts, because I like writing them, but I wanted to get back to what my initial thoughts for this blog were.

The V&A seemed a good place to start, on my first V&A membership card, and in the pack it has a copy of Rob Ryan's lasered design:

Hours that I spent walking and wandering and wondering on my own to look and think and think and look feeling apart yet feeling a part of all that I saw as the past and the present slowly became one

I actually have been a member of the V&A for almost 3 years now. I know get me and my cultural self. As I've mentioned before on Loner. Lover. Friend, I think one of the most fabulous things about London is pretty much all of our wonderful museums and galleries are free, but there are some perks of V&A membership: 10% off in the gift shop, a cute little membership card to put in your wallet, feeling like a high and mighty cool as cultural so and so, oh and of course all the free, no booking needed entry to all of their wonderful exhibitions, and the ability to go to members events, like lovely evening talks with wine receptions and really interesting people from the world of fashion and art sharing what they know.

When I signed up to the V&A it was amazingly good value for money as I got their under 26 membership on direct debit. I paid £29 for myself for a year's worth of exhibitions (and bear in mind Alexander McQueen Savage Beauty is £17.50 per person) and then paid an extra £15 to bring a guest in with me. Now I am old and 26, and no longer qualify for that membership (waaa), it is a bit pricier, but still worth it, if you are going to go to at least 3 ticketed exhibitions a year and bring someone along.

So now for the list. Sorry none of the items on this list have that much connection to each other, they are just thoughts I had when seeing Alexander McQueen Savage Beauty, things I learnt, things I've thought and learnt since, things I already knew which I thought might be worth sharing with y'all.

1. It looks amazing. As you might expect from a V&A ticketed exhibition but still, give that curator a medal. As you move through the rooms it echoes McQueen's collections you are moving through - like the room for his A/W 1997 collection "It's a jungle out there" all tribal influence and coats made from hair and amazing things the exhibition room is like this wonderful (fake) skull lined cage. For his romantic dreamy collections, the V&A framed them against huge gilt mirrors, and to display his S/S 2001 collection VOSS they recreated the glass box, Alexander McQueen showed it in.

2. So from point 1, with me dropping in the names of the collection and wotnot maybe you think I am an Alexander McQueen and general fashion know it all. Not true, I was just doing that to impress ya. I had heard of Alexander McQueen but I mainly associated him with this amazing nautical collection I saw in my Elle magazine when I was 15, and Kate Middleton's wedding dress, as of course his predecessor Sarah Burton designed that. What I didn't realise is that actually Alexander McQueen was super duper weird, like weirder than a normal designer (who lets face it, all seem to bring out designs a bit more bizarre than H&M). Like on display in the exhibition included: a whole top made of mussel shells, a red sequinned dress which would be normal but for the face hood, a dress with massive wooden wings.

3. Although there are a few bits of Alexander McQueen which have made it mainstream. Turns out I probably have him to thank for that lace corset and smart trouser look which I wore to every 17th birthday party in 2004. And all those puffball hems we had a few years back, were courtesy not of Jane Norman but of him. And seeing them all again sort of makes me wish I could still fit into my old puffball dress and that my mum had never thrown that lace corset away. Also, no offence Topshop but his Atlantis collection made it look like he did those lovely mirroring symmetrical print dresses like 8 years before you did...

4. That maybe fashion can be art. As I mooched around in my leggings, trainers and oversized sweatshirt at a fashion exhibit, onlookers might not have thought it, but I am not one of those people who think fashion is silly. I think fashion gives you confidence, shows your creativity and helps you express yourself but I've never seen it as art in the way say, I see Shakespeare as art. Art for me is something that pinpoints the human condition, how men and women feel and identify themselves, and has the same emotional resonance with its audience regardless of their context - their century, their gender, their wealth, their race. I couldn't see how fashion could do that, but McQueen's work wasn't just about trends, it was about showing mortality, showing beauty, showing our relationship with nature. I loved what he said about his not-so-pretty Voss collection: "It was about trying to trap something not conventionally beautiful to show that beauty comes from within".

5. That Alexander McQueen was a pretty special person. Not scared to be different and outrageous, and that showed in his collections and everything he did. He was the son of a cabbie who grew up as Lee in Stratford, and left school with just one O level. In his first job - an apprenticeship at a tailor's in Mayfair - he wrote "you f***ing c**t" in an suit jacket intended for Prince Charles. (Pretty ironic that his label then went on to dress Prince Charles' daughter in law on her wedding day).

Sorry no photos are allowed inside, so I am having to describe things a little, they are obvs better seen in person!

6. A highlight number one: there is this miraculous hologram of Kate Moss dancing in this wispy gown and then becoming like smoke. Not maybe the best showcasing of McQueen's work but amazeballs nonetheless.

7. Highlight or maybe lowpoint (?) number two: a man reaching out and touching a slashed pink ponyskin dress when security weren't looking!! Couldn't believe it! Think he might have been dragged by a girlfriend, and didn't get it...

8. And nothing to do with Alexander McQueen per say, but just a day to myself. A day to sit and drink jasmine tea (and eat macaroni cheese of course) in the most lovely cafe in London (well the loveliest cafe where you can get lunch for less than a tenner). A day to sit and read my book in beautiful surroundings on the first proper day of spring. A day to just not worry about anyone but me and anything I was missing! I think sometimes "me time" can be hard to prioritise because you get massive FOMO about what you could be missing out on whilst you are walking and wandering and wondering on your own - whether thats because your friends are all going down the pub, or because you could just be lounging on the sofa with your boyfriend watching TV and that is pretty lovely as a thing to do too. But getting out by yourself did make me feel a bit more in touch with me again, and I guess if you are worried about the FOMO then taking a day off is a good move, cos what are you missing? Work! Pfff.

Ok none of the exhibition but I went to town on the cafe! Who could resist a cuppa in here?

Classily reading The Goldfinch and photographing it with the sticker still on...I also bought Travelling to Infinity (Jane Hawking's autobiography that the Theory of Everything is based on) if you were wondering! Oh and the Goldfinch is excellent!

Dat ceiling.

You can book and Alexander McQueen exhibition for £17.50 per person here. You can get V&A membership here, but they don't mention direct debits I think (which is cheaper). Pop in and visit the membership desk for that gig.

Read more about why I want to blog about things to do by yourself here, in my first post: Go to a literary festival

Have you seen 50 shades of Grey?

Ok. Probably yes, as I realise I am a bit late to the party on this one, I haven't even read the books!

On Monday, I headed with 3 of my best girlfriends to Genesis cinema in Whitechapel (£4 for a ticket on a Monday! In central London!) to watch the long anticipated film version of that book, and eat pie and mash (oh yes, it ain't just nachos at Genesis, they offer a whole new level of carbs...)

I, like everyone else in the world, heard quite a lot about the book when it became such a huge mummy porn sensation back in 2011, increasing sales of kindles, as so many people didn't want anyone to know that was what they were reading it on the tube!

Even the weekend the film came out, I heard the London fire brigade on the radio saying they were expecting to see a rise in 999 calls from people handcuffed to beds and wotnot, as they saw an increase when the book was at its peak!

So my thoughts on the movie were mainly, I found Jamie Dornan very attractive (though maybe not as attractive as I thought, was it just me or did other people find he looked almost off-puttingly like a bear cub when he smiled?) and the film in general very funny. There were sections where we were crying with laughter: when Jamie Dornan (ok Christian Grey) kept on putting those ill fitted sex jeans on with such drama whenever he went in the playroom (just think how gross they'd be by now in real life with all the action and bodily fluids they are getting), the bit where he ate a large bit of her toast in a seductive way, the use of fashionable homeware and accessories as foreplay - stroking Anastasia with a peacock feather and then a leather tassle. Pretty sure I have saw both of those in the accessories section of Forever 21 the other day actually.

But the funniest thing of all was the whole idea of the book/movie -

Anastasia: "Are we going to make love now?"
Christian Grey: "Not until I have your written consent"

How every average relationship starts no?

And what that written consent is - a contract- is crazy! (Again, sorry that most of the world has already had this revelation!) See a physician of his choice to prescribe oral contraception, limit your alcohol intake, exercise regularly, only eat a list of approved foods?? The S&M stuff is one thing, but telling a girl she can't have that third glass of wine after a tough Friday at work? Hells no.

So you get the gist, although doing well at the box office, the film has done less well with the critics, but it can be rofls galore if you approach it in the right way.

Having said that, the day after International Women's Day (Sunday 8th), going to a film about a "dream man" who sure is rich and attractive, but ultimately ridonculously controlling did leave me with a little bit of a sour taste in my mouth.

In loads of ways, you could argue 50 shades has sexually liberated thousands of women, and is credited with getting couples all over the country back into the bedroom after dry spells. But why are women turned on by this? What is the appeal of being the exception to the rule of basically a bad man? Being the one girl this not that nice and respectful man allows to actually sleep beside him after sex, allows to touch him, approves them going on dinner dates?

Ok, there has never been a super hot billionaire in my life trying to control me, but I like most girls have been attracted to the not so nice boy who hardly has an excellent cv when it comes to women and dating, and wished that I will be the one he makes a proper commitment to, the one he properly falls for. And it has never worked out...

E.L James' book, the film, the franchise could never have been made without the women who marched and burnt their bras and demanded for women to be seen as equals with the right to make our own choices. Written by a woman and read mainly by women, a certain amount of sexual liberation had to happen for a book like this to be adopted and a-oked by popular culture.

But even in that freedom to read and write and watch things like 50 shades of Grey, it almost demonstrates we are back where we started. All those women shouting "What do we want - freedom of choice!" And what do we choose... a rich man to provide for us, basically at the cost of our freedom. Yes, with freedom and self sufficiency comes some difficult things - Mr. Grey tells Anastasia how nice it is being a submissive, how comforting it is, how you don't have anything to worry about...maybe a bit like a child or a 1950s housewife? Sort of feels like we are back 60 years ago.

So I think, if you don't mind a film being a bit "so bad its good", then go and see 50 shades of Grey if you haven't yet, especially if you can do for just £4. But that doesn't mean we should forget that our right and ability to choose, is actually probably better than having a rich and hot billionaire as a beau. Even one as hot as Jamie Dornan.

"If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat." 
 (Simone de Beauvoir)

Corr blimey that was a little bit like going back to uni and writing an essay on popular culture and feminism. Fancy something a little lighter that you can do with your pals? How about an afternoon tea?

Soppy

Today is my boyfriend Will's birthday. I am not just being a completely uninterested girlfriend, and sitting here writing this as he sits alone drinking a solitary glass of prosecco, fyi. As a sort of birthday treat before the proper birthday treats commence (oh no, not that, I just meant before the expensive restaurant reservations and cool bars and all the birthday steak and champagne) I am chilling beside him sipping a beer and writing on this whilst he plays GTA on his PS4, as for some reason he likes it when I watch him play video games and actually, I think this is a pretty nice Wednesday afternoon. (Especially as I know there will be steak and champagne and amazing London views in just an hour or two).

I find Will pretty difficult to buy presents for. I've always thought boys were tricky, I remember even when I was younger and not in a relationship, thinking my goodness if I had a boyfriend what would I possibly get him for his birthday? The only things I could think might go down well, were those sold from HMV, and even then, not the most thoughtful present, a Jay Z CD. I'd sort of assumed that when I did get like, a proper boyfriend, I'd suddenly know - that it would be some sort of acquired wisdom which appeared when I changed my relationship status on facebook, but alas no.

He like technology, and he cares about what he wears but I don't know enough about the latest gadgets to choose the best one (and err potentially earn enough to) and although I think he always looks great, I find it difficult to gauge whether he will or won't like something. One Christmas, I designed him some Nike ID blazers, and I've seen him wear them maybe 3 times in the 2 or so years since, and I think those times were more for my benefit than his!

We tend to take the day off on each other's birthdays, go out and do something fun which the other one plans and pays for (hence the plying him with steak and champagne later) but I always want to get him a little something something to open. Just a little gesture present. Last year I bought him frownies, as he frowns in his sleep and when I try and hold his face in a way to stop him frowning it only makes him frown more! I worry that if we are still together at 40 I will be looking across the table at a man who has the frownlines of an 80 year old, so guess that was a little bit of a present for me too..

And today I gave him a present which is a little bit of a present for me too - Phillipa Rice's comic novel, Soppy. Because a) he likes comics and graphic novels a bit and b) as the comic novel is about Phillipa Rice moving in with her boyfriend, illustrator Luke Pearson, and March also marks a year of Will and I shackin' up together.

And I just love it, and I think Will does too.

It so honestly and so lovely-ly (realise that is not a word, soz. Soz soz is not a word either) describes what a normal hum drum relationship is like, and just how perfect that hum drum is.

You recognise so much of your own relationship in Phillipa and Luke's, and it is rofls galore.

Phillipa - who is also the creator of My Cardboard Life (an online cartoon about a piece of cardboard, Colin and a piece of paper Pauline) does the cutest drawings, with lots of great details that make the book come alive a little more.

I don't want to break copyright laws left right and centre, but here are just a couple of strips I particularly recognised from my own life, which will hopefully show you better than I can describe how marvellous on marvellous tablets it is, and encourage to go out and buy the whole thing. I'd really recommend it, for yourself or your beau.

 

At this one, Will was like, "I thought I was the only one who liked their girlfriend watching them whilst I play video games!" I at least, am glad to know that I am not the only girl in the world who has spent a Saturday afternoon watching their boyfriends fight dragons...

He definitely falls asleep on me, pretty much every time I let him choose the movie too!

Err yep, totally did ruin my Macbook pro design by sticking a Homer Simpson photo on it...and I love it!

PS. The cupcake in the first photo is from "Juscakes" on Bethnal Green Road. If you have ever walked down Bethnal Green road you will have walked past that cake shop and thought, oh my goodness that is the most amazing smell ever. Well I can tell you, those cakes are no Subway (whose taste never matches that amazing smell) those cakes taste like Juscakes shop smells!! That is not even butter cream on the top, that is like, full on whipped cream!!

It is no Soppy, but this is the list I made about moving in with your boyfriend - Pros and cons of moving in with your boyfriend as told by Beyonce's visual album

12 things to fix a slump day

So on Saturday I was feeling and acting like a proper lazy bum bum. For the first half of the day I tried to convince myself I'd ticked something off my to do list by catching up on Hart of Dixie and Ex on the Beach. Cos, err had to watch those at some point no? It took me until late afternoon to get out of my pjs and even then, I was wearing leggings and a t-shirt with no bra, and I hadn't showered so can that really count as me "getting up and dressed"?

 Various people in my life are always telling me that I probably do need days when I do nothing, but there are different types of nothing days. There are nothing days that are peaceful and relaxing and you just feel really calm and chilled all day. And there are nothing days which are toxic and a bit stressful, when you know you should be doing something but just can't be bothered. Saturday was the latter kind of day.

I guess all of my posts I write here are for me as much as anyone who comes across them - I like writing it as much as anything else, and it is nice to look back over lovely things I did once. But this one in particular is for me, as next time I am having an unwanted lazy day, I can have a look at this and drag my arse out of it.

So next time I am having a day like Saturday, or if you are, here are 12 easy ways to drag your arse out of your slump: I've put the easiest ones first, and the hardest ones towards the end so you can build up to it (!), and finally what to do if none of the list so far is working...

1. Tie your hair in a ponytail, like a neat swishy ponytail, not a messy one. Is it just me, or even when I tie my (pretty short bob) hair up, I suddenly feel like, hells yeah, I mean business.

2. Wash your face, and put on some red lipstick. It looks good with everything, even a nightie. Got your game face on.

3. Make your bed. Especially if you are in it. (Obviously you will need to get out first).

4. Instagram something, anything. Even if it is your nails you painted yesterday, the flowers on your table you bought two days ago, there is something about that polished and filtered better version of ourselves we show instagram that I think actually gives us a kick to live up to the life we are claiming we have...

5. If you are going to be on the internet clicking around manically, and not doing anything even slightly hard, try and move away from addictive buzzfeed lists, and to fun but pick me up things. Read some inspiring lifestyle blogs, that will make you want to get off your butt and take lovely photographs (like these, how lovely is this blog?) or make oreo jelly shots or fix your own salt scrub. Plan some stuff for the holiday you've booked, or look at holidays you might want to go on next. You're gonna need that stuff some day so it is sort of productive, and definitely fun. Make a pinterest board, again arguably useful, certainly enjoyable.

6. Put on some get and go music - I always find this one (playing when Carrie falls over on the runway in SATC) works well for me.

7. Make a list of all the little jobs whirring around in your head, overwhelming you and making you feel like leaving your bed is a grave task. They always look so much less scary and like there are far less of them when written down on paper.

8. Do just one thing on that list, and then CROSS IT OFF.

9. Light your favourite candle, pop out and buy some flowers and put them in a vase. Even if there is loads of mess all around you need to tidy, that will be one pretty thing to focus on (and maybe inspire you to tidy the whole shop up).

10. Exercise for just 10 minutes - go for a run, do some jumping jacks, practice the Single Ladies dance (or your party trick dance of choice), and if you can keep going past those 10 minutes great. If 10 minutes is too much, just do a yoga sun salutation once through. Reach up, reach down and touch your toes...just do it once and try and think how invigorated you feel by it the whole time. My yoga app always tell me to "arch back with delight" and do you know what, when I do that, I sort of do feel delighted...

11. And if it still all goes to crap, and you still don't feel motivated after 1-9, or can't bring yourself to do any of them, well just embrace the nothingness. Put on a good movie, buy some yummy food, put on a face mask, turn your slump day into a pamper day.

12. Then if number 11 won't make you feel better, just go to bed as early is as reasonable and write the whole thing off. Because then you can get up early the next day, feeling refreshed and lively and you can make the most of that day instead.

I like lists. This one is one of my faves I've made: The pros and cons are living with your boyfriend, as told by Beyonce's visual album

Wish I owned this kitten at the top of this post and photographed it but alas no, we have never met. The photo was thanks to planetminecraft.com

5 ways to fight better

 

First of all a disclaimer. This is obviously not a post about tips to, I don't know, box or cage fight or wrestle better, although how good would that be if I suddenly came out as the least expected female cage fighter at this point in my little blog. Alas no, I have no hidden cage fighting talents.

Actually a second disclaimer too, when I do say "fight better" I mean have less destructive arguments, but I am not a pyschologist, or relationship therapist, and most of this is from what I've read, learned and my own ponderings.

With Loner. Lover. Friend, I am making myself keep things on an even rotation of loner things (things to do by yourself/ musings about the world), lover things (great dates and thinking about how to be a good girlfriend) and friend things (things to do with your gal pals, and ways I am trying to be a better one).

I've always thought it is quite important to stick to an order (loner post followed by lover post followed by friend post) partly because I want my blog to be a place for all 3 and it could quickly develop into a "great dates" or general musings if I'm not careful.

However, last week I missed out one of my "lover" posts. I had wanted to do a lovely Valentine's post, complete with lots of pictures of candlelit roses, and crispy pork belly courtesy of M&S 2 dine in.

But I didn't post anything partly because it felt a little like I would be treading over that social media line between sharing your celebrations, and bragging to anyone who will listen. It is tough to post a Valentine's date in a way that won't make everyone else throw up on themselves.

And also, it felt a little like a lie.

Will and I did have a lovely Valentine's weekend, on Thursday (the 12th, oh so very uncharacteristically organised of him) he sent roses to my office. On Friday, we took the day off (had annual leave to use up) and went around the Tower of London, drank a whole bottle of prosecco in the afternoon, then headed to Resident for an amazing rump steak to share, with wedges and salad and more prosecco. Saturday we had a lazy day, which ended with aforementioned M&S and him actually agreeing happily to watch a romcom!

And then on Sunday, we had a massive fight.

And it wasn't a fight over much really, Will probably needed space after 2 solid days of such intense couple time and his pulling away always make me attempt to cling on, exasperating the situation.

I lovingly stuck my nose in his business, when it was not really wanted, and pushed my advice even when it was clear he was declining from taking it.

Obviously people who love each other fight. Indeed, people who love each other fight probably  more than people who don't care about each other - if an acquaintance was 20 minutes late to meet me, I wouldn't say a thing but if Will was, I would tear him a new one. If I burnt myself cooking dinner for even a close friend, I certainly wouldn't somehow blame them for the mishap, but if I burnt myself when cooking for Will and I was stressed and in a bad mood, it could quickly become me shouting at him telling him he doesn't do enough cooking and now look what he has done, he has made me burn myself...

I am hoping at this point some people reading this are nodding slightly in recognition, and not just thinking I am a crazy pyscho bitch...Whether it is that they fly off the handle with their other half for not putting their socks in the laundry, or moan at their Mum for not getting the right brand of greek yoghurt, I don't think I am alone at making my loved ones bare the blunt of me overreacting. (The latter has definitely been me again, and the former, well Will).

So aside from us becoming more rational, decent people even to those we love irrationally and ooer sometimes indecently what can we do to help us "fight better", fight in a less damaging way?

Here are 5 ways I've come across/ can think of:

1. One of my favourite books of those I read last year was Gretchen Rubin's "The Happiness Project". A self help book, which isn't too embarrassing to read on the tube. (She also has a great blog - the Happiness Project, here).

In it she talks about "fighting right" which she says is when couples manage to stay in that argument and don't bring up old news and accusations, "you always", "you never", "I should have known you..." which quickly scale things up out of control.

2. I also had a little search around some of my favourite life coaching blogs, and found a tip from Danielle Dowling, which suggested, if you can by any chance get away with it, bring some humour into the argument, do something to lighten the mood and make fun of yourself. (Obviously this won't always work, but still, most of my arguments begin over such silly things, that I think maybe I could get away with being silly.)

3. I also asked my mum and sister how they "fought right". My mum and dad have been happily married for 33 years this spring, so I figured they must be doing something right. And my sister is one of the few people I know, who is still with their first boyfriend they met in their teens, and hasn't had any freak outs about the fact they will probably be together forever, so she must be a good fighter too.

Neither of them knew.

However, I had a think about it, and I think maybe what they do is pick their fights, and don't lose their shit over every little annoyance. Both my mum and my sister can be super scary when mad, causing my dad and my sister's boyfriend to beg them respectively for forgiveness.

But I think it is because they are so nice the rest of the time, so loving and not flying off the handle and getting upset at every little thing that when they do blow up, you know it is for a reason. People give a lot more slack if you pick your battles.

4. Then there is the advice which seems like it has been given since the dawn of time "don't go to bed in a fight".

I'd like to add to that: don't pick a fight anywhere near bedtime. Even if you think someone has done something horribly wrong and can't leave it without them knowing how upset you are, things will never be better from you getting into a fight when you are already a bit tired and cranky. Use sleep as a temporary escape, and bring your issues up in the morning when both of you will have a more balanced view.

5. And finally, last night I got a little bit of advice from an unlikely source when watching Season 3 of House of Cards.

Without giving away any spoilers, Frank and Carrie Underwood, always a stony and odd couple, had a huge argument which they struggled to overcome. They as Frank described "said things which can't be undone".

When fighting try to avoid saying massive sweeping statements, wishing people dead, telling them they are too stupid for you, or you find them unattractive. We all want to hurt someone at that time when we are hurting, but from now on, even though I don't have faith I will always be able to stop making hurtful comments completely, I am not going to say things which can't be recovered from eg. "you are silly spending so much money on (insert your boyfriend's bad habit here) at your age" or even, "and I don't even like you in those jeans" is not a mark on "I hate you and wish you'd leave my life".

Even the loveliest of dinners have to end, and someone has to do the washing up.

Don't completely hate my pseudo pyschology? Then maybe you won't hate "9 ways to be a better pal".