Have you seen 50 shades of Grey?

Ok. Probably yes, as I realise I am a bit late to the party on this one, I haven't even read the books!

On Monday, I headed with 3 of my best girlfriends to Genesis cinema in Whitechapel (£4 for a ticket on a Monday! In central London!) to watch the long anticipated film version of that book, and eat pie and mash (oh yes, it ain't just nachos at Genesis, they offer a whole new level of carbs...)

I, like everyone else in the world, heard quite a lot about the book when it became such a huge mummy porn sensation back in 2011, increasing sales of kindles, as so many people didn't want anyone to know that was what they were reading it on the tube!

Even the weekend the film came out, I heard the London fire brigade on the radio saying they were expecting to see a rise in 999 calls from people handcuffed to beds and wotnot, as they saw an increase when the book was at its peak!

So my thoughts on the movie were mainly, I found Jamie Dornan very attractive (though maybe not as attractive as I thought, was it just me or did other people find he looked almost off-puttingly like a bear cub when he smiled?) and the film in general very funny. There were sections where we were crying with laughter: when Jamie Dornan (ok Christian Grey) kept on putting those ill fitted sex jeans on with such drama whenever he went in the playroom (just think how gross they'd be by now in real life with all the action and bodily fluids they are getting), the bit where he ate a large bit of her toast in a seductive way, the use of fashionable homeware and accessories as foreplay - stroking Anastasia with a peacock feather and then a leather tassle. Pretty sure I have saw both of those in the accessories section of Forever 21 the other day actually.

But the funniest thing of all was the whole idea of the book/movie -

Anastasia: "Are we going to make love now?"
Christian Grey: "Not until I have your written consent"

How every average relationship starts no?

And what that written consent is - a contract- is crazy! (Again, sorry that most of the world has already had this revelation!) See a physician of his choice to prescribe oral contraception, limit your alcohol intake, exercise regularly, only eat a list of approved foods?? The S&M stuff is one thing, but telling a girl she can't have that third glass of wine after a tough Friday at work? Hells no.

So you get the gist, although doing well at the box office, the film has done less well with the critics, but it can be rofls galore if you approach it in the right way.

Having said that, the day after International Women's Day (Sunday 8th), going to a film about a "dream man" who sure is rich and attractive, but ultimately ridonculously controlling did leave me with a little bit of a sour taste in my mouth.

In loads of ways, you could argue 50 shades has sexually liberated thousands of women, and is credited with getting couples all over the country back into the bedroom after dry spells. But why are women turned on by this? What is the appeal of being the exception to the rule of basically a bad man? Being the one girl this not that nice and respectful man allows to actually sleep beside him after sex, allows to touch him, approves them going on dinner dates?

Ok, there has never been a super hot billionaire in my life trying to control me, but I like most girls have been attracted to the not so nice boy who hardly has an excellent cv when it comes to women and dating, and wished that I will be the one he makes a proper commitment to, the one he properly falls for. And it has never worked out...

E.L James' book, the film, the franchise could never have been made without the women who marched and burnt their bras and demanded for women to be seen as equals with the right to make our own choices. Written by a woman and read mainly by women, a certain amount of sexual liberation had to happen for a book like this to be adopted and a-oked by popular culture.

But even in that freedom to read and write and watch things like 50 shades of Grey, it almost demonstrates we are back where we started. All those women shouting "What do we want - freedom of choice!" And what do we choose... a rich man to provide for us, basically at the cost of our freedom. Yes, with freedom and self sufficiency comes some difficult things - Mr. Grey tells Anastasia how nice it is being a submissive, how comforting it is, how you don't have anything to worry about...maybe a bit like a child or a 1950s housewife? Sort of feels like we are back 60 years ago.

So I think, if you don't mind a film being a bit "so bad its good", then go and see 50 shades of Grey if you haven't yet, especially if you can do for just £4. But that doesn't mean we should forget that our right and ability to choose, is actually probably better than having a rich and hot billionaire as a beau. Even one as hot as Jamie Dornan.

"If you live long enough, you'll see that every victory turns into a defeat." 
 (Simone de Beauvoir)

Corr blimey that was a little bit like going back to uni and writing an essay on popular culture and feminism. Fancy something a little lighter that you can do with your pals? How about an afternoon tea?

Soppy

Today is my boyfriend Will's birthday. I am not just being a completely uninterested girlfriend, and sitting here writing this as he sits alone drinking a solitary glass of prosecco, fyi. As a sort of birthday treat before the proper birthday treats commence (oh no, not that, I just meant before the expensive restaurant reservations and cool bars and all the birthday steak and champagne) I am chilling beside him sipping a beer and writing on this whilst he plays GTA on his PS4, as for some reason he likes it when I watch him play video games and actually, I think this is a pretty nice Wednesday afternoon. (Especially as I know there will be steak and champagne and amazing London views in just an hour or two).

I find Will pretty difficult to buy presents for. I've always thought boys were tricky, I remember even when I was younger and not in a relationship, thinking my goodness if I had a boyfriend what would I possibly get him for his birthday? The only things I could think might go down well, were those sold from HMV, and even then, not the most thoughtful present, a Jay Z CD. I'd sort of assumed that when I did get like, a proper boyfriend, I'd suddenly know - that it would be some sort of acquired wisdom which appeared when I changed my relationship status on facebook, but alas no.

He like technology, and he cares about what he wears but I don't know enough about the latest gadgets to choose the best one (and err potentially earn enough to) and although I think he always looks great, I find it difficult to gauge whether he will or won't like something. One Christmas, I designed him some Nike ID blazers, and I've seen him wear them maybe 3 times in the 2 or so years since, and I think those times were more for my benefit than his!

We tend to take the day off on each other's birthdays, go out and do something fun which the other one plans and pays for (hence the plying him with steak and champagne later) but I always want to get him a little something something to open. Just a little gesture present. Last year I bought him frownies, as he frowns in his sleep and when I try and hold his face in a way to stop him frowning it only makes him frown more! I worry that if we are still together at 40 I will be looking across the table at a man who has the frownlines of an 80 year old, so guess that was a little bit of a present for me too..

And today I gave him a present which is a little bit of a present for me too - Phillipa Rice's comic novel, Soppy. Because a) he likes comics and graphic novels a bit and b) as the comic novel is about Phillipa Rice moving in with her boyfriend, illustrator Luke Pearson, and March also marks a year of Will and I shackin' up together.

And I just love it, and I think Will does too.

It so honestly and so lovely-ly (realise that is not a word, soz. Soz soz is not a word either) describes what a normal hum drum relationship is like, and just how perfect that hum drum is.

You recognise so much of your own relationship in Phillipa and Luke's, and it is rofls galore.

Phillipa - who is also the creator of My Cardboard Life (an online cartoon about a piece of cardboard, Colin and a piece of paper Pauline) does the cutest drawings, with lots of great details that make the book come alive a little more.

I don't want to break copyright laws left right and centre, but here are just a couple of strips I particularly recognised from my own life, which will hopefully show you better than I can describe how marvellous on marvellous tablets it is, and encourage to go out and buy the whole thing. I'd really recommend it, for yourself or your beau.

 

At this one, Will was like, "I thought I was the only one who liked their girlfriend watching them whilst I play video games!" I at least, am glad to know that I am not the only girl in the world who has spent a Saturday afternoon watching their boyfriends fight dragons...

He definitely falls asleep on me, pretty much every time I let him choose the movie too!

Err yep, totally did ruin my Macbook pro design by sticking a Homer Simpson photo on it...and I love it!

PS. The cupcake in the first photo is from "Juscakes" on Bethnal Green Road. If you have ever walked down Bethnal Green road you will have walked past that cake shop and thought, oh my goodness that is the most amazing smell ever. Well I can tell you, those cakes are no Subway (whose taste never matches that amazing smell) those cakes taste like Juscakes shop smells!! That is not even butter cream on the top, that is like, full on whipped cream!!

It is no Soppy, but this is the list I made about moving in with your boyfriend - Pros and cons of moving in with your boyfriend as told by Beyonce's visual album

12 things to fix a slump day

So on Saturday I was feeling and acting like a proper lazy bum bum. For the first half of the day I tried to convince myself I'd ticked something off my to do list by catching up on Hart of Dixie and Ex on the Beach. Cos, err had to watch those at some point no? It took me until late afternoon to get out of my pjs and even then, I was wearing leggings and a t-shirt with no bra, and I hadn't showered so can that really count as me "getting up and dressed"?

 Various people in my life are always telling me that I probably do need days when I do nothing, but there are different types of nothing days. There are nothing days that are peaceful and relaxing and you just feel really calm and chilled all day. And there are nothing days which are toxic and a bit stressful, when you know you should be doing something but just can't be bothered. Saturday was the latter kind of day.

I guess all of my posts I write here are for me as much as anyone who comes across them - I like writing it as much as anything else, and it is nice to look back over lovely things I did once. But this one in particular is for me, as next time I am having an unwanted lazy day, I can have a look at this and drag my arse out of it.

So next time I am having a day like Saturday, or if you are, here are 12 easy ways to drag your arse out of your slump: I've put the easiest ones first, and the hardest ones towards the end so you can build up to it (!), and finally what to do if none of the list so far is working...

1. Tie your hair in a ponytail, like a neat swishy ponytail, not a messy one. Is it just me, or even when I tie my (pretty short bob) hair up, I suddenly feel like, hells yeah, I mean business.

2. Wash your face, and put on some red lipstick. It looks good with everything, even a nightie. Got your game face on.

3. Make your bed. Especially if you are in it. (Obviously you will need to get out first).

4. Instagram something, anything. Even if it is your nails you painted yesterday, the flowers on your table you bought two days ago, there is something about that polished and filtered better version of ourselves we show instagram that I think actually gives us a kick to live up to the life we are claiming we have...

5. If you are going to be on the internet clicking around manically, and not doing anything even slightly hard, try and move away from addictive buzzfeed lists, and to fun but pick me up things. Read some inspiring lifestyle blogs, that will make you want to get off your butt and take lovely photographs (like these, how lovely is this blog?) or make oreo jelly shots or fix your own salt scrub. Plan some stuff for the holiday you've booked, or look at holidays you might want to go on next. You're gonna need that stuff some day so it is sort of productive, and definitely fun. Make a pinterest board, again arguably useful, certainly enjoyable.

6. Put on some get and go music - I always find this one (playing when Carrie falls over on the runway in SATC) works well for me.

7. Make a list of all the little jobs whirring around in your head, overwhelming you and making you feel like leaving your bed is a grave task. They always look so much less scary and like there are far less of them when written down on paper.

8. Do just one thing on that list, and then CROSS IT OFF.

9. Light your favourite candle, pop out and buy some flowers and put them in a vase. Even if there is loads of mess all around you need to tidy, that will be one pretty thing to focus on (and maybe inspire you to tidy the whole shop up).

10. Exercise for just 10 minutes - go for a run, do some jumping jacks, practice the Single Ladies dance (or your party trick dance of choice), and if you can keep going past those 10 minutes great. If 10 minutes is too much, just do a yoga sun salutation once through. Reach up, reach down and touch your toes...just do it once and try and think how invigorated you feel by it the whole time. My yoga app always tell me to "arch back with delight" and do you know what, when I do that, I sort of do feel delighted...

11. And if it still all goes to crap, and you still don't feel motivated after 1-9, or can't bring yourself to do any of them, well just embrace the nothingness. Put on a good movie, buy some yummy food, put on a face mask, turn your slump day into a pamper day.

12. Then if number 11 won't make you feel better, just go to bed as early is as reasonable and write the whole thing off. Because then you can get up early the next day, feeling refreshed and lively and you can make the most of that day instead.

I like lists. This one is one of my faves I've made: The pros and cons are living with your boyfriend, as told by Beyonce's visual album

Wish I owned this kitten at the top of this post and photographed it but alas no, we have never met. The photo was thanks to planetminecraft.com