Friend: My favourite London afternoon teas

Now I've popped afternoon teas in the friend category, even though whenever I go to afternoon tea I see lots of couples, as I have no heck of an idea how people got their boyfriends there? I know in practice Will would like nothing more than to eat a meal where the ratio of sweet to savoury was like 3:1, and it was more than socially acceptable to be drinking prosecco in the middle of the day, but the chances of me ever getting him to set foot in an afternoon tea establishment are slim. So I see afternoon tea as definitely one to do with your heeeyy girlfriends. Everything is already in bite sized portions so you don't have to waste your energy using a knife and fork, you can spend it gossiping and talking about the Zara sale instead. I tend to go to afternoon teas because a friend has taken me for a birthday present, or I am taking them for a birthday present. I love an experience birthday gift, as then everyone gets a treat, the birthday present giver and receiver.

I've gone to quite a few random hotels in the Victoria and Chelsea areas for afternoon teas that I've found on Groupon or Groupon-esq websites, but I have to admit they have never quite hit the spot, and they can be a hooha to book, but they are a pretty cheap and easy way to enjoy scones and mini pastries without paying more than you would for an actual meal which indeed has some nutritional value. Just a quick glance at Groupon alone today, there are 11 afternoon teas in London you can purchase right now. These however, are my most memorable ones, which I would recommend and have never spotted on any voucher deal websites:

1. For good value for money - Afternoon Tea at The Modern Pantry

This is still more than most Groupon deals, and there is still a little bit of booking hassle on weekends (they are just so popular for good reason), but if you can stretch your budget a bit and plan in advance I'd head to the Modern Pantry in Farringdon.

Modern Pantry is known for it's quirky and fresh ingredients it weaves into everything from it's Sunday roasts to a la carte menus to afternoon teas. My friend Beth took for my birthday present last year, and we had a glorious time in the fresh, white and bright little restaurant.

My favourite savoury menu item: Cheddar, caramelised onion and tumeric scone with curry leaf goats curd
My favourite sweet thing on the menu: Darjeeling tea and pink peppercorn scone with clotted cream and liquorice and berry jam

What can I say, they did damn good scones. For their full menu go here. To book go here.

I am afraid I am not enough of a tea whiz to tell you all about the different teas at each of these restaurants (also, I would always just order a jasmine green). I only go to afternoon teas for the 3:1 sweet to savoury ratio, rather than the tea per say. The tea here though was definitely nice.

How much will it cost for 2 people?

2. For quirky fun  and impressing people- The Sanderson's Alice in Wonderland "Mad Hatter" afternoon tea

I took my friend Finn here as a thank you a couple of years ago for her using her spare Florence + the Machine ticket she got for Christmas to take me to see Florence at Alexander Palace. Afternoon tea in exchange for Florence + the Machine? That is what you call a win win situation.

copyright CN traveller

Everything at The Sanderson's afternoon tea is Alice in Wonderland themed, but in a really classy way. Ham and mustard sandwiches are made with bright yellow (mustard powder), cucumber and cream cheese are on bright green spinach bread making everything beautiful and delicious. You sit in the leafy conservatory which was beautiful on a sunny day, but I think would be pretty cosy on a nippier one too. I also really loved here that you could swap your champagne for earl grey cocktails, and that the jasmine tea was an actual jasmine flower. Very instagrammable.

My favourite thing on the savoury menu: Cumbrian ham and wholegrain mustard sandwiches in sundried tomato bread. Cos ham, mustard and tomato is a classic sandwich combo however posh you make it.
My favourite thing on the sweet menu: the Drink me potion. It didn't make me grow taller or smaller, but it is basically this lime and passionfruit pannocotta-esq stuff with this coconut froth if I remember rightly, so basically all the good things in the world in one adorable little bottle. As you drink it out of the teeny straw the flavours change as you go down, like something out of a fairytale or that Heston Blumenthal would have made. Excellent, just excellent.

For their full menu and to book go here.

Post edit: If you can't get into the Sanderson or Alice in Wonderland is not your favourite children's book, my friend Lucy and Siobhan recently took me on a birthday treat to a Charlie and the Chocolate Factory afternoon tea at One Aldwych, which was amazing. Even the tea was like something out of a fictional chocolate factory: jewelled apple with strawberry, toffee and apple or salted caramel, real caramel chunks with a hint of vanilla.

But the food my goodness. The savoury was better than expected considering Willy Wonka didn't make anything savoury himself, but the sweet was just excellent and so so plentiful.

My favourite savoury thing on the menu: Mini heritage tomato tarts
My favourite sweet thing on the menu: Rhubarb and custard homemade candy floss.

3. For an afternoon tea with a view - Aqua at The Shard

That is a photo of my lovely Mum who my sister and I took for Afternoon Tea at the Shard last Mother's Day. My sister and I decided to splurge on it, as hey we are both adults earning money now and we probably have to at least make a dent in paying our parent's back for all those times they took us out for dinner. And I always ordered the steak. 

As it costs £29.95 to go up the Shard anyhoo, I think £45 to go up the Shard (maybe not quite as high), and have champagne, and have scones, and have mini sandwiches, and have assorted desserts... is a pretty good deal. 

Aqua don't really do anything cray cray with their afternoon tea, but the quality is pretty good and they splash out on Veuve Cliquot champagne. They also make an opera cake in the shape of the shard, so that is nice. Eating a chocolate shard whilst you are up the shard. Something poetic about that.

My favourite savoury thing: Earl Grey tea smoked salmon, cucumber and cream cheese sandwiches
My favourite sweet thing: Orange blossom scones with strawberry and tahitian vanilla jam. The shard cake looks nice and all, but I really don't get the opera cake thing. It looks tricky to make on British Bake Off but my unrefined tastebuds would choose a chocolate brownie over a chocolate opera cake any day.

For their full menu go here. To book go here. (Nb when I went to the Afternoon tea they served on Saturdays, but from their website now it looks like they only do afternoon tea Monday to Friday. However, it is would be a pretty nice way to spend a lazy Monday off)

4. For when you don't really want afternoon tea but you want an excuse to drink in the daytime and feel sophisticated about it: Moroccan Afternoon tea at Momo

Photo taken by Bessie Jewels

My most recent afternoon tea was where I took Beth for her birthday (looks like we are getting through a lot of mini cucumber sandwiches and scones together). I'd only just got back from Morocco and thought I could never even look at a mint tea again, but once I was in Momo's cosy Moroccan lantern lit room, and relaxing with a glass of champers I got in the mood. Momo does serve scones (cos what is an afternoon tea without scones) but is more mini Shawarma than mini sandwich on the savoury front.

My favourite savoury thing: falafel and courgette dip wrap
My favourite sweet thing: pistachio macaroons


To book Momo go here. For the full menu go here.

So those are my top 4 of the ones I've been to so far, but there are so many lovely hotels and restaurants across London there are many more I am lining up for treat days.

Next on my list are:

1. Sketch's Afternoon Tea - at £51 for the cheapest afternoon which actually includes a glass of something alcoholic (it is still £39 without it) Sketch is pretty pricey, but I really want to go because a) I just really want to go to Sketch b) you get to eat in this room which would surely make everything taste even more marvellous and c) they serve "mousse malabar marshmallows". Who even knows what the flip those are but they sound delicious. To see Sketch's full afternoon tea menu, go here. To book, go here, but please don't boast to me about the experience and make me jealous. 

Copyright Sketch UK

2. Afternoon Tea at The Ritz - ok so the menu looks pretty standard, and it is £59 for champagne afternoon tea, but think of the Instagram photos and the celebrities you might spot. Afternoon tea at The Ritz is defo one off the bucket list. You can actually just casually book an afternoon tea at The Ritz online, who knew? Go here to do so and see their full menu.
3. Gentlemen's Afternoon Tea at The Soho Sanctum - there are quite a few Gentlemen's afternoon teas about (The Mandeville and The Athenaeum both do one, The Mandeville's have free flowing champagne and The Athenaeum have sticky toffee pudding so maybe add them to my list to0) but I think this one at The Soho Sanctum tops them all. Lamb hotpot, steak sandwich, oysters, whisky, cigar on the roof at the end. Sign me up. (Maybe not to actually have the cigar, but to wave it around in a seductive way for a photo opportunity). You can book and see the complete menu here. Oh, and it's 50 quid.

Top image copyright is a picture by Jane Rusker.

Lover: Butler's Wharf Blackout Dinner

Is there anything more romantic in the world than sitting on Butler's Wharf, overlooking the river Thames and Tower Bridge, when all the lights and chatter of the surrounding restaurants and tourist institutions have been dimmed and muted, sharing a table lit only by candlelight with your lover... oh and 40 other people?

Probably. 

But as experiences go, the Butler's Wharf Blackout, which visits London once a year for the Thames Festival is a pretty unique one, with 4 of the big normally competing restaurants on Butler's Wharf - Le Pont de la Tour, The Butler's Wharf Chophouse, Blueprint Cafe and Cantina del Ponte - joining forces to create an event that's a little bit different and turning all their lights out, giving you a view of the river unlike one you've seen before.

I went last year, when the set up was one massive banquet table underneath a transparent marquee (as it was raining - pfff typical London) on the terrace overlooking the Thames and Tower Bridge. We paid £37.50 and got a 3 course meal and a gin and tonic in a little sandwich bag. The gin and tonic in the bag, not the 3 course meal.  Quirky. 

Did take these photos however - from light....

To dark....

Last year the menu changed every day, but every day used ingredients sourced from the Thames. I get the thought pattern - it's Thames Festival and all, let’s eat food from the Thames by the Thames - but actually in practice looking down at a floating dead seagull, a pile of rubbish and some weird bubbly crap in the Thames below you and knowing that your food came from somewhere connected to that  same water where all that grossness floats ruins your appetite a bit. Someone somewhere must have thought the same, as this year they are scrapping the big banquet table in front of the 4 restaurants and each are taking it in turn to host the blackout for one week in September. So now you can pick your blackout venue based on the food you fancy – steak, Italian, French – whatever you want (well bar any cuisine not based in Europe, so not anything precisely) and no dead seagull infested food in sight. Excellent. Book here: 

Don't have a lover atm or have a boyfriend who complains his fries don’t taste as good if there is not enough lighting to tell they are the skin on ones? That sentence sounded dodgier than intended, sorry. Anyhoo, the point is however fussy your fella, or if you don't have one, I think this would be lovely to do with a friend or group of friends too.

Other things I’d quite like to check out at the Thames Festival this year:1.     Fire Garden by Carabosse – 5^th and 6^th September, 6:30 – 10pm

Again not my photo - haven't been yet copyright Angella.

I was not speedy enough on Time Out to get a ticket, but depending on how hungover I am feeling Saturday, I might try my luck at the one in one out system it is going to adopt on the night. Being surrounded by fire is going to make a great instagram pic no? And hopefully not bring back any terrifying flashbacks of when this happened to me…(and when I say happened to me, I mean when I got pissed on a beach in Thailand and made dangerous decisions)

Note to self: don't go through a flaming slide if you have naturally wide hips. Makes it even more terrifying as you might get stuck.

2.    More London Film Festival – starts with Raiders of the Lost Ark on Wednesday 3^rd,  on every day until Ferris Bueller’s Day Off on Friday September 26^th.
Like all those other amazing outdoor festival that fabulously pop all over London, but free. And showing ET. But get there early because you can’t book seats.

3.    ImperialWharf Jazz Festival - 12th and 13th September, 7pm - 10pm and 1pm -10pm.
A bit of easy listening which doesn’t hurt your bank balance, cos it is absolutely free.

Browse the whole calendar of events here.

So how much will it realistically cost for 2 people to dine out during the blackout this year? It depends on which restaurant you go to, but as today is my first day back on My Fitness Pal and therefore I am craving cheesy creamy carbs I would go with Cantina del Ponte where it is £35 per person for 3 courses and a drink. The most expensive is Le Pont de la Tour, where this same deal will cost you £45. 


Vicky x

                                                      

The copyright of the top photo is Thames Festival. 

Loner: Go to a Literary Festival

So as this is my first proper blog post I just want to reiterate that the idea of this blog is that it is a lovely healthy compartmentalising (if compartmentalising is healthy) mix of things to do either with your boyfriend/girlfriend/person you would put "it's complicated with" on facebook if anyone ever did that; your mates and yours truly - yourself.

On top of this concept I thought everything I was going to include in this blog should be:

1. In London - maybe some of them should be done anywhere in the world, but for restaurants, plays, exotic yoga classes etc I wanted to learn and pass on everything new and exciting I found in this brilliant city through writing Loner. Lover. Friend.

2. Less than £100 - on the basis that I don't really want to spend more than £100 per week socialising, as I would bankrupt myself more than I already have, and it means more people can enjoy anything I find and recommend.

3. Things that - if people read this in real time (and in some cases even if they didn't) - anyone could just walk into and do or book right away. No but wait until next year, no places it is impossible to get into unless you are a C-list celebrity or book 9 years in advance, just uncovered gems we could all head on down to or book today if we felt like it.

So I thought it only makes sense that my first blog post should focus on the fabulous time I had at Hay Literary Festival, which by the way is:

1. A tube, 2 not very regular trains and a bus away from London... right on the English Welsh border.

2. Far less than £100 if you did not have to pay for a train fare, anywhere to stay when you get there, food or rehydration; but assuming you have to pay for all of these things, far far more.

3. Several months ago in May, and not on again, until next May.

Woops.

But hey ho as Hay Festival for me is the perfect first blog post for Loner. Lover. Friend, as it really challenged me to be a better loner, and reminded my how great being all alone with just your own mind and the stimulating words of someone else really can be for company. Which after all is one of the proper deep down purposes of this - that we'll never be the best lovers and friends we can be until we are good loners.

Sooo Hay. Sorry if you are someone who has heard of Hay Festival, but if you haven't, it is a Literary Festival in the little historic book town of Hay-on-Wye in the beautiful Brecon Hills. For 2 weeks amazing speakers from nobel prize winners to historians to Benedict Cumberbatch to Mary Berry talk about books they've written, books they've loved and just general amazing inspirational and fascinating things they've learnt in life and want to pass on to a small (by Glastonbury/Lovebox/Wilderness standards) but supremely captive audience. Although it all started in Hay-on-Wye, today Hay festival is held in 14 others venues across the globe from Budapest to the Maldives to Nigeria to Mexico. I went to the original Welsh one though innit.

When I turned 25 I made a little list of things I wanted to do before I was 30 (which I can waffle about in more detail later) and one of them was Hay. I guess - to keep with the pattern of lists of 3 - this was for these reasons:

1. I loved school - particularly English Literature - and I love a festival, so one that seemed to combine both these things, the best school lessons, but in a field where you can also buy local ales and £8 slices of pizza and fudge and local cheddar seemed like a good plan.

2. Chris Evans talks about it all the time on BBC radio 2, and I am the biggest fan (and possibly only, bar my boyfriend who is forced to listen to it against his will) twenty something daily listener to his breakfast show. He is just so chirpy, really gets me going for the day. Thus I trust everything he says, like "Hay festival is bangin'" Nb. don't think he's actually ever said "Hay Festival is bangin'" but something of that sentiment.

3. Cos I thought it would be a bit of a challenge to spend that long (2 days) totally alone, somewhere far away I didn't know, and I wanted to make sure I could do it, and come out stronger as you do by defying any challenge. Now before you close this window because you think I am the most small town person ever - suggesting Hay in Wales is somewhere far and challenging - please let me defend myself. I used to be a lot better at being alone, without signal or technology in far away lands. I even got a bit Eat Pray Love-y when I was doing my classic post uni South East Asia travelling and insisted I stay out by myself afterwards. I have had many a taxi driver who can't find your hostel at 1am in Vietnam/waking up to realise you are sharing your sleeper train bunk bed with a whole Indian family/turning up at your booked hostel to find they have given your room to someone else sort of problems which I have faced totally alone and been totally ok. But that was when I was 22, young, single and carefree, but now I am 25 and settled and in a relationship and I do things like worry about whether I am too tired to go out for dinner and drinks on Thursday and a night out on Friday and I make excel spreadsheets of my finances. The appeal of being alone has lost its glisten, cos hey anything I do alone - have a bath, eat a whole bar of mint chocolate aero whilst watching TV, lie in bed and listen to music - are better when he is there. Oh gosh I just threw up on myself, sorry. I hope you managed to keep your vomit in, but either way you get the point. Why be alone when you don't need privacy? It is nice to have someone around to get that second bar of minty aero from the fridge when you can't be arsed but you know you really want it.

So if you are still reading let me tell you a little more about all things Hay, and how I really did find a little bit of that "sure I have accidentally found myself in a brawl in the women only queue at this weird train station in this Indian town I don't even know the name of, and sure that Indian woman is using her big beautiful gold bangles to try and hit me on the head, and sure the police are now coming, but dya know what I'm ok" attitude.

If I was to talk about everything that was great about Hay, and all the wise things I learnt (like they make black pudding pizza in Wales) you would be here even longer than you've been here already so I am going to keep it to 5. Ok 6, sorry, I am a waffler, I'll get better.

1. Toni Morrison

Toni chatting away at Hay

Oh Toni. Toni Morrison was definitely my main reason for getting my act together and going to Hay this year. The nobel prize winner in 1997, I studied her novel Beloved for my A-Level English Literature coursework, and found it one of those "now I've read this I'll never be the same novels." (I mean not wildly different, like I'll still like cocktails and shoes with wedges, but something in me has got a little wiser). Beloved is based loosely on a true story of a enslaved black woman during the times of the slave trade, who took the life of some of her children, and attempted to take the life of the others, to save them from a fate she believed far worse than death: growing up a slave. Toni Morrison, a New Yorker, a mother, a descendant of slaves was suprisingly unintimidating. She started by making jokes about how she'd used sweetcorn as sexual innuendos in her very serious novel. Hearing someone as incredible as Toni Morrison speak about their work was amazing, a few rows back is probably the closest I will ever get to a brain so big and clever. I could start my own  Toni Morrison at Hay spin off blog, but in the name of succinctness, I'll touch on just one thing she said, which was about the ending of her book, where one character Paul D reminds Sethe that "you your best thing Sethe. You are". Luckily we don't have to overcome the incomprehensible struggles and choices slaves endured and made in

Graffiti of Toni in Vitoria, Spain

America for hundreds of years, and many people in the world still have to overcome today. But however easy our life is in comparison, I think that is a lovely thing to take with us and remember, whatever our worry or hurdle, we're our best thing.

2. The clean and shiny porta loos.

And on a way more shallow note: the porta loos were quite frankly, incredible. No dropshots, no poo piled high above the seat, no sick on the floor, not even a skidmark. We are talking toilets that flushed, toilet paper galore, porcelain freaking sinks with running water. Turns out the reason portaloos are gross at all the music festivals isn't just because portaloos are gross full stop. It all us twenty somethings who consume 8 pints of beer, a dodgy burger, 3 double vodka and cokes and then block the portaloos with 4 packs of baby wipes. Woops. Live and learn. But for a nice loo, head to Hay. I wish I had taken a picture to add below, but frankly I don't think I could capture them more beautifully than they were in the flesh.

3. Only having to pay for the talks you actually go to

Imagine if at festivals you only had to pay to see the bands you actually wanted to, and not for all the weird electro ones on the programme that all your friends want to see but it is hard to sing along to? At Hay, you only have to pay for the talks you are going to, which means you always get to see what you want properly without crippling your boyfriend by climbing on his shoulders (as you book in advance) and it is kinder to your bank balance. All Hay talks cost from free to £15, with most sitting around £7 and most sessions lasting an hour and a half.

4. Chris and Christine

One of my big things I was nervous about when going away by my lonesome was meeting Chris/Christine (I didn't know it was 2 people yet), the B&B Hay Festival "find me a room" service had found me whilst warning they had not vetted the B&Bs. Probs didn't help I was meeting them "outside the clock tower" at 11pm. Just sounds like the beginning of a horror movie. But as it turns out Chris and his wife Christine (2 of them) are some of the nicest people and best chefs I've met, with a very comfy bed and very friendly chocolate labradors. If you want to sample a night in one of their amazing beds, wake up to this view from your bedroom and eat one of these maple syrup, walnut, banana and creme fraiche bagels for breakfast, look on their website here: http://www.thesmithy.webeden.co.uk/

                           

  

5. Ruby Wax

I can never decide whether I find Ruby Wax that funny, or just a bit weird and I am not sure if Hay settled things one way or the other. But she knows her shiz when it comes to all mental health surrounding depression, stress and anxiety, having recently got her master's at Cambridge! At Hay she talked about things that could get scientific, boring and depressing in an interesting and amusing way so that was good. I liked her chat about Dopamine. That is the hormone which makes us want to study for our exams, write a blog after our full working day, bother to go to 2 different friend's birthday dinners in one night, and all round make us want to make the most of our lives. However, in too higher dose dopamine can also be the thing that makes you freak the hell out when you get to the underground platform and there is not another tube for a whole 4 bleeding minutes and you are running late anyway because you decided to squeeze your beach holiday ASOS order, painting your nails and checking your instagram in your spare 10 minutes that day. Constant amounts of dopamine make us way more likely to get anxiety problems (looking at me here) but if we keep on like this high levels of dopamine have been linked to cancer, schizophrenia and loads of nasty things. I often dip in and out of practicing mindfulness and general relaxation bits to keep my mind of my worries, but one that Ruby taught me really works. Basically your brain can't be panicking when one of your senses - smelling, hearing, seeing, touching is really working hard - your brain just can't be in two places at once. So next time you're panicking look really hard at something - really taking in the colours, the glint, the depth of what your are looking at. Or smell really hard - concentrate on how the rooms smells right now and how it changes. You'll feel your brain jumping in again and pulling you back to your worries, but if you keep at it, it works really well.

6. And finally - Hay-on-Wye itself. 

Festival or no festival, Hay-on- Wye is certainly worth a visit, for its cobbled lanes, beautiful Brecons views, independent delis and cafes, retro cinema, award winning pubs and restaurants and it's burnt out castle which now houses a street food market, fortune teller and antiques shop. And of course its book shops, because Hay is not just book crazy for the last week of May and first week of June, but all year round. I loved it so much, I even googled the house market prices round there, as I could see myself spending my Saturday eating fresh fettucine in the street market, walking it off in the Brecon's and slobbing in front of an old movie in the cinema that night. And for the price of a 2 bed flat in Peckham you could own a 4 bedroom detached cottage overlooking your massive garden. Commute on a Monday morning would be a bitch though.

Hay Castle no longer homes any Welsh kings and queens, but a restaurant, street food market and a fortune teller amongst other things.

Totally chose the book with the good covers at Booth's bookshop (pictured below)

Booth's Bookshop claims to be the largest second hand bookshop in the world, it was started by Richard Booth who proclaimed himself King of Hay (honestly) and helped turn it into the internationally renowned book town it is today

Hay 2015 isn't available to book yet, but will be by the end of 2014/beginning of 2015 and you can do so here.

Here are some other literary festivals I fancy going to this year, next year one day, which are not quite as far a field:

1. Cheltenham Literary Festival - 3-12th October 2014

Like Hay you just buy tickets for the events you go to, so that is nice. My highlight speakers include Caitlin Moran, Margaret Atwood and Judi Dench.

2. Stoke Newington Literary Festival - June 2015 (to be announced)

Just down the road, cheap as chips (lots of free talks), sponsored by Brew Dog, and I have seen loads of people who went last year hanging around with a fabulous canvas tote. All round excellent stuff.

3. Ways With Words Festival - May 2015 (to be announced)

So this is quite a new one, which happened last year in Hyde Park I believe, with lots of modern fiction authors. However, I can see nothing about it on their website, so maybe they are not planning for one next year? If no, they are doing writing and creative group trips to Italy, so if there is no literary festival in Hyde Park next year, we can console ourselves with a writing trip to Tuscany next September.

So if you fancy a 2 day trip to Hay next year, how much will it cost you?

Not propestorous I guess for something which is essentially a mini break, but cutting out the bed and train and heading to something a bit more local would make it cheaper!

Vicky x

Top photo copyright - Harper's Bazaar